I’m not sure why, but the below promotional video for The Drever found its way into my Twitter feed a couple days ago. The Drever is the former First National Bank tower, in downtown. It is in the midst of a $380 million redevelopment project that has not gone smoothly. Perhaps this video will help. I’d like to break it down for you, shot by shot.
UPDATE (8/29/18) In response to my trenchant analysis of its video, The Drever has taken it down. The following link is now useless, except as a memorial to bad decisions.
A Walk About – @TheDreverDallas pic.twitter.com/G63SCYLf9Y
— The Drever Dallas (@TheDreverDallas) August 24, 2018
This is a perfectly fine establishing shot. I mean, aside from the fact that it’s dominated by what appears to be a parking garage there on the right. “The Drever” is spelled correctly.
Please, people, when you’re making a video, hold your phone in landscape mode.
OK, good. Let’s get inside this lifeless building, where people apparently dare not tread, and let’s check out the decor.
I could be wrong, but this looks like a set from Left Behind II: Tribulation Force.
This is an exterior shot. You can tell because it’s outside.
When I see this picture, all I can do is wonder who will have to keep those cushions clean and white. I feel bad for that person.
I like these secluded lounge bays or whatever they’re called. One small question: how are you supposed to walk to them?
Here our video takes a disturbing turn. Why show this POV of a man drowning? How is that supposed to make me want to live at The Drever? Every time I come out to the pool, should I expect to see a corpse floating in it?
This sailor is a fan of the Longhorns. She is clearly active. She likes to stand on street corners and raise her horns. Fewer drowning victims and more active-duty military who like college football. That might get me to move downtown.
The implication here is that somewhere near The Drever, there are shoes.
In addition to shoes, if you live at The Drever, you will have ready access to stock art of dessert.
I’m not sure what The Drever has against people with faces, but this guy here is getting his sleeves in order, really working them to perfection. No way would he stay up late on a Wednesday night, smoking weed and playing Third Eye Blind and keeping you awake when you’ve got a big presentation at work the next morning.
Run, dog, run! Go get help for Jimmy! Dallas Police response times are way up! You’re Jimmy’s only hope!
Hang on. What the hell is going on here? In the previous shots, we were grooving on this “urban shoe-shopping, off-leash dog” vibe. Who are these two guys with the albino falcon? I mean, they look like a nice enough couple. I wouldn’t mind living next door to them. But not if they’re falconers.
I’ve lost my mind. I don’t know anything anymore. I think that’s a hawk. Could be a condor. The Drever’s pet policy is out of control.
Well! That’s all the time we have, ladies and gentlemen. Wrap it up!
