As Alex noted earlier, the Dallas Morning News no longer employs Jacquielynn Floyd and James Ragland, and since Steve Blow is now confining his thoughts to the family holiday newsletter, the paper doesn’t really have a true metro columnist. It’s sort of semantics, since Robert Wilonsky does the same job but I assume got to pick his job title and “city columnist” has more press-card-tucked-in-hatband-of-fedora panache than “metro columnist,’ I suppose. Or does it? (I will also remind you that when Robert’s first column appeared, it was billed as something like “one in an occasional series” and lolololol.)
ANYWAY.
There is an opening, since Robert can’t or at least shouldn’t try to fill all the remaining space left behind, all those column inches that used to be filled by Jackie finding a local-ish angle of a national story and James never taking a side on anything. Who should the DMN hire?
(I should also say right now that this is not going to be dog names.)
I’m kidding. It’s dog names, because as far as I know Mike Wilson still has a dog named Story or, if that beautiful dog has gone to God’s Kennel, he did at one point name a dog Story, and that is only because Reported Essay was a little much. I can’t let that happen again. I won’t. Oh also the Morning News should hire a columnist who is 1) not white, 2) not old, and 3) likes to write, not to be on TV or radio.
Chalupa
Corky
Sir’Zion
Rev. Dongo Pewee
Jempy
Darwin
Shamoil
Salami
Zeus
Armageddon (only if it’s tiny, like crazy tiny)
Phlandrous
Mosthigh
Dr. Dimple
Jamez
Jimbob
La Royce
Lola
Darthvader
Maverik
Quindarious
Yo’Heinz
Beau Titsworth
Chaka
Sixto
Bobo
Aurelian
Pez
Slim Jxmmi
Swae Lee
Rae
Sremmurd
BlocBoy
Maxo
A$AP Puppy
Mackie
