Sports & Leisure

Transcript of the Conversation Between Donald Trump and Jerry Jones

This wouldn't have been necessary if Gordon Keith had done his job this morning on The Ticket.


After President Donald Trump’s tweet about the Cowboys this morning, D Magazine filed an open records request for a transcript of the phone call between Trump and Jerry Jones. Here it is:

“Woo, pig.”

“Beg your pardon? This is the White House calling for Mr. Jerry Jones.”

“You got him. Yer s’posed to say, ‘Sooie!’”

“Mr. Jones?”

“It’s an Arkansas thing. Never mind. What can I do you for?”

“Please hold for President Donald Trump.”

“ … ”

“Jerry?”

“Hey, Donald, you ol’ rascal!”

“Listen, Jerry, I’ve got to go through my Twitter timeline and delete a bunch of Luther Strange tweets. Total loser. The worst politician ever, believe me. So I’ve got to make this quick. But I wanted to talk about your team kneeling before the national anthem on Monday Night Football.”

“Did you see that Dak Prescott? He’s gonna summersault us all the way back to the glory hole!”

“Tremendous. He’s a winner. And he’s so articulate for a — football player. But listen, Jerry. I need the Cowboys to stand at the Rams game. Not just for the anthem. The entire pre-game. And the game, too. If one of them gets tackled and his knee touches the turf, I guess that’s OK. But otherwise, standing for their country. Robert Jeffress is right. Tremendous pastor. If Rocket Man owned an expansion NFL team, he would shoot his players in the head if a single knee was bent more than 20 degrees. Believe me.”

“Donald, yer kind of asking me to — you ever see a goat eat a phone book?”

“No.”

“Okay, let’s go with another analogy. Have you ever held two handfuls of Jell-O and tried to keep it all in those two hands?”

“I like taco bowls.”

“I like taco bowls, too. I wanna help you out, Donald. Let’s do this. You promise to stop tweeting about the Cowboys, I’ll talk to Charlotte about the kneeling. See what we can do.”

“You’re sensational, Jerry.”

“Good morning to ya.”

Comments