Stupid Things

Will Clarke’s New Book Is on Sale for $9,999.99

Time travel makes it cheaper. Or something equally stupid.

A coworker just forwarded me a blind email from someone who, if he’s the same guy I found on LinkedIn, is a Chief Marketing Officer for a variety of Dallas businesses. If so, I’m hoping the misspelled and poorly capitalized missive (“Will Clark (dallasite) third book is on pre-sale in electronic format for $9999.99 on Amazon because it has been transported from the future where reading is a billionaire’s luxury. It will be available in August in Hardcover for the rest of us with 2017 pricing.”) was a purposeful ruse to not seem like a press release. If so, he did in fact succeed in making me look. But the reason I am posting anything at all is that my search led me to this timeless Tim Rogers nugget of a rant about the aforementioned Will Clarke (with an “e”). Happy Friday.


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  • Bravo, Will Clarke!

  • Will Clarke

    Hi Kath!

    Will Clarke here. A friend forwarded your blog post to me. Wow. Thanks for the outrage. I was delighted to see how upset you were. As you well know from Tim’s little “nugget” about me, I pretty much only write novels to piss off D Magazine editors. Aside from collecting Precious Moment® figurines, it’s probably my favorite pastime.

    If I may be so bold, let me direct your ire to my book’s description on Amazon.

    “This book was sent back in time to you as a warning flare from the future: 2030 to be exact–a time when only billionaires can afford the luxury of books, air, and fresh water. This novel will spark the subtle awakening of 2017. At least we hope.” –The Bureau of Humanity

    Really think about this date: 2030.

    How old will you be?

    What will you be doing in 2030?

    If you have kids, think about your kids on this date. How old will they be? What will they be doing?

    I spent a lot of time (ten years, actually) thinking about this date when I wrote THE NEON PALM OF MADAME MELANÇON. On 2030, my kids will be in the full bloom of adulthood. I will have just turned 60 myself, entering my golden years. And Planet Earth, if you believe science, will be faltering. Our environment will not be able to support the people on this once blue and moist planet.

    My book is science fiction, but what is coming for all of us in 2030 is not.

    And yet we elect leaders who vociferously deny climate science and who delight in rolling back the EPA. Most people don’t want to talk about these things because they are political and, quite frankly, overwhelming. We as a species are in massive denial about the future we are creating.

    Is there something we can do?

    You betcha, but first we have to start talking about these impolite topics. As a fiction writer, the way I address these issues and get this conversation ignited is through my work—as stupid as that may seem at times. (Probably not the most effect method I realize, but it’s really all I got.)

    So while it’s outrageous for a mid-list novelist to charge $10k for a book downloaded from 2030, what is even more outrageous is that over 100 million fellow humans are predicted to die from climate change by 2030.

    Kath, as you well know from peddling this magazine day and night, it’s hard to get people to read your typing. In fact, over 300k new book titles are published every year in America. So thanks for the coverage. I appreciate you helping people find my little book in this vast and salty sea of new releases.

    Also, quick question: In all your investigative reporting into the best snow cone stands in Dallas, which ones did you find to have the most believable Tiger’s Blood flavorings. Asking for a friend.

  • Molly Mc

    What a fun way to promote a book! So clever. (Wow, that Tim guy is bitter.)

  • Sandy Moser Phillips

    Brilliant marketing!! I can’t wait to read! What is angry guy’s problem? And I LOVED Mr. Clark’s last book…Lord Vishnu’s Love Handles.

  • Oh, boy. I’m afraid I’ve caused some confusion here.

    That item Kathy linked to originally appeared as a back-page story in D Magazine, a space reserved for arch jokes and high-concept musings. It sometimes doesn’t translate well to online reading. So Kathy, I think, didn’t realize I was kidding when I was making fun of Will’s book. In any case, though, I don’t read her post here as outrage. She just stumbled across my old story and figured she had an excuse to post something. That’s all.

    I consider Will a friend. Unless my memory fails me, I shared that back-page story with him before it was printed, to make sure he was cool with it. “Lord Vishnu” was a great read. I’m sure “Neon Palm” will be, too.

    I think we should all be friends, and we should all not be so quick to anger when we read things online. From now till 2030.

    • Will Clarke

      Oh, come, Tim! How are we going to sell any books without controversy? Like I said, thanks for the coverage. You know I always appreciate it. Hopefully, no hurt feelings on your side.

      • Don’t buy Will’s book. He’s a jerk.

  • LittleBrittle

    And the link for pre-order, since the inaptly named Ms. Wise failed to include it.

  • I’d like to time travel back to my book club and Tim’s erroneous reporting that i should have flagged back then. I knew the title of Will’s book and knew we had a copy. Or did until learning he’d donated it so others may enjoy it after his reading. Also for the record, I’m a fan of Kathy’s, Will’s, and usually Tim’s. Love, Christine