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There Are Only Four Reasons to Be Married to a Man

No. 1: He is responsible for ordering Showtime so you can watch the Errol Spence Jr. fight tomorrow, Saturday, May 27 at 4 p.m.

This is the list I gave my husband after I asked him to get us Showtime—which will be airing the Kell Brook vs Errol Spence Jr. fight tomorrow, Saturday, May 27 at 4 p.m.—and he suggested I “figure it out.”

The only four reasons to be married to a man:

1. He handles all A/V-related matters, including, but not limited to, comparing clouds on which to upload the 14,000 photos currently preventing further picture taking on your iPhone, procuring one of those itty-bitty weights to make the now-defunct record player spin once again, and definitely, most importantly, setting up Showtime so as to watch the Kell Brook vs Errol Spence Jr. fight tomorrow, Saturday, May 27 at 4 p.m.

2. He whacks the bugs (but not with a rolled-up D Magazine, goshdarnit).

3. He changes the sheets while you rinse the kid when the flu strikes at midnight.

4. Reliable intercourse (verbal and otherwise).


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  • Wes Mantooth

    In my experience, your list should be expanded to at least a fifth entry: “car stuff.”

  • T_S_

    Where is the “he’ll nod knowingly in required agreement when the wife needs to vent about some person or another”?

  • bmslaw

    Well, there goes at least 5 decades of progress for women.

    • S. Holland Murphy

      My guess is that 50 years ago there weren’t many women, let alone moms, working at magazines, writing silly memos that poked fun at their husbands and also served as a reminder that the Kell Brook vs Errol Spence Jr. fight was on Showtime tomorrow, Saturday, May 27 at 4 p.m. But thanks for your perspective, man.

      • bmslaw

        For the sake of argument, let’s assume that your guess is accurate. So what is your point, regarding your reply to my post?

    • Thank you for your comment. But you might need to relax. Holland was having fun. Can’t we all have some fun? Thank you again for your comment.

      • LuLz….that is all i can say is LuLz. Thanks for emailing me back yesterday Tim.

      • C Newman

        Meh, maybe bmslaw’s comment was him/her having fun popping off some snark? How weird that one might not be able to know when they are supposed to let a generic somewhat comedic comment roll or take them to the woodshed for some supposed slight in this politically correct twitter lynch mob era.

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