Yesterday’s mail brought two treats. One was a letter from a murderer who writes to me semi-regularly from prison. He’s innocent, of course. The other treat was an essay from an elementary school student named Arnav Harsh. Arnav lives in San Jose, California. Not sure why he chose the city magazine of Dallas for his missive. Also not sure why on earth he went with the faux calligraphy font that he chose. In any case, Arnav wrote:
Hello. I am writing an essay for school. My class and I are studying research based opinions and my essay is about why dogs are better than cats. I hope you will add this document to your website.
Despite Arnav’s addressing this note to D-Magazine, with a hyphen, a trap that a surprising number of letter writers fall into (though not the murderer), I have decided to add his document to our website. Here it is:
Dogs Are Better Than Cats
By Arnav HarshDogs! Dogs are the friendliest pets in the world. They are cute, loyal, energetic, and above all, they are friendly. Some dogs also keep you safe. A dog will think of specifically you as its god, if you keep him/her in your house and feed it. A dog will help you wherever you are. So get rid of those cats and get dogs!
First of all, even though most people think that dogs are not social and do not follow instructions [Ed: no one thinks this.], you will be surprised to hear that dogs are one of the smartest animals in the world. This connects to Business Insider, a website who says that dogs are easy to train and are obedient creatures. [Ed: yes, but what does The Financial Times have to say on the matter?] The only times a dog will not listen to you is if you tell him/her to do something against your safety. For example, some dogs are used and are trained to help blind people. A dog won’t let its owner cross a busy street while cars are moving.
Cats, on the other hand, don’t help you at all. [Ed: according to Wired, “Domestic cats purr at a frequency of about 26 Hertz, in a range that promotes tissue regeneration.” So you’re technically wrong. Though your point is still taken.] They don’t even care for you. According to ThoughtCatalog (27 Reasons Why Dogs Make Better Pets than Cats), if they get used to you, they will rub against you. No! They are not feeling affectionate! According to a dictionary, Affectionate means to feel close to or love someone or something. They are now marking you as their own territory. I don’t like cats because one time a cat scratched me on my chest when I was 5. [Ed: deep personal bias should have been disclosed in cover letter.] Research shows that the average cat sleeps 17-18 hours a day. But a dog will always love you. [Ed: do you think your mother doesn’t love your father when she is sleeping?] This is proof that cats are not as lovable as they seem.
Secondly, dogs are lifesavers. Some have amazing smell compared to others. [Ed: I, too, sometimes have amazing smells. Mrs. Rogers doesn’t appreciate them.] They are trained to find people in trouble and weapons in belongings. Dogs such as bomb sniffing dogs are one of these helpers. These dogs can find bombs more than 1 mile deep! Farther than any metal detectors. This is important because these animals risk their lives to help us. It shows the biggest bond between dogs and humans. The bond of friendship.
A dog is said to be man’s best friend. All you have to do is be nice to him/her and feed it. Just keep it fit, healthy, and clean, and there is nothing a dog won’t do for you. [Ed: how about hold your hair while you’re vomiting?] A cat, on the other hand will not give any love back. In other words, a cat is not fit to be a human’s friend. [Ed: wow, Arnav, that scratch when you were 5 seems to have left some scars that aren’t just physical.]
Lastly, dogs help us exercise. They have to walk and run so who does it with them? You! Research shows that a dog can get an average person of 80 years to run/walk a mile! And you have fun doing it. A dog helps you keep fit as part of its routine.
Dogs are cute and cuddly creatures that roam the 7 continents. [Ed: patently, demonstrably false.] It makes me sad and a lot of others to hear that dogs are on the streets looking for food. Cats also. [Ed: not buying it. You clearly hate cats. I wouldn’t put it past you to mock a cat on the street looking for food.] But you can never deny the fact that you and your new dog will make a perfect team. Dogs are not cat killers. Cats actually frighten dogs! After all this info, consider getting a dog in your house. [Ed: you had me at “god.” I’m in.]
