Why I Am Spending Hillary Bucks

Please don't hate me.


This is a note to any and all North Texas merchants who may, in the coming days, receive payment from me in the form of what I am calling “Hillary bucks.” The Hillary bucks I am spending are $1 bills with the name “Hillary” written on them with a black Sharpie. Please don’t think that my spending of Hillary bucks indicates that I am a Hillary supporter. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not. Point is: the Hillary bucks are not intended to communicate my political leanings. Here’s how I came to possess the currency:

An old college roommate of mine lives in Chicago. Has his whole adult life. So last week when the Cowboys played the Bears, we wagered on the game. You know the result. On Saturday an envelope stuffed with cash arrived at my house. How much cash? That’s really none of your business. I thought my buddy was very clever for settling the bet with $1 bills. Hey, at least he didn’t send quarters. The bills were all neatly faced, so I saw their backs when first pulled the cash out. Then I flipped them over, and saw the name “Hillary” scrawled across George’s face on every bill. Well played, indeed.

That’s the story. It’ll probably take me a while to burn through this many $1 bills (again, the actual figure shouldn’t concern you). Everyone in town, please be patient with me. If you’re a Tump supporter, don’t get upset. If you support Hillary, well, pay it forward.