What Fort Worth Thinks of Being Called the ‘Best Little Suburb of Dallas’

They don't like it much.

Cover of the March 2016 issue of D Magazine.
Cover of the March 2016 issue of D Magazine.

Fort Worth Weekly has responded to the affectionate trolling in our headline of the March cover story of D Magazine, which is all about what a great place Dallas’ sister city is to visit:

Arlington Mayor Richard Greene famously proclaimed, “Arlington is nobody’s damned suburb!” about 20 years ago. News flash: Arlington is a damned suburb. Fort Worth ain’t — it’s the 16th largest city in the United States, ahead of Detroit, Denver, Seattle, Nashville, and so on.

(Side note: Dallas is completely built out and will never get any bigger. Fort Worth has the rights to about 350 square miles of extra-territorial jurisdiction on un-annexed property. This means  Cowtown can physically double in size in the coming years. Dallas is like an adult schnoodle that’s bullying the new puppy, not realizing the little feller is a fast-growing pit bull that will get its toothy retribution one day. In the future, Dallas will be Fort Worth’s suburb.

This analysis assumes that each of our cities will continue primarily to build outward rather than upward. Dallas, thanks to its mass of business and entertainment opportunities that Fort Worth (as great as it is) can’t match, has the advantage in attracting future hordes who prefer life in a denser urban environment. But nice try.

And I do believe they’re right about this bit:

One of the writers mentions “quaffing beer” at Fred’s Café. Sorry, but we don’t say “quaffing” over here. We drink, guzzle, shoot, consume, and use various other methods of swallowing beverages. But we don’t quaff. You have to go to Dallas for that.

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