Enough with the questions about the cabin, people. (Photo: CameliaTWU/Flickr)

Ask John Neely Bryan: Lightning Round Via the Twitterverse

Meeting you people in the worldwide echo chamber.

John Neely Bryan, Our Founder
John Neely Bryan, Our Founder

It’s been brought to my attention that a fair number of you, dear readers, are too lazy to type out an electronic missive and push a button to send it to me at [email protected]. Even though I have a well-established track record of solving your problems — bringing hope and joy and irresistible animal magnetism to the most troubled of souls — some refuse to seek my help.

Go where the people are, the editors of this web blog have repeatedly enjoined. And so I finally had no choice but to accede to their wishes. Yesterday, shortly after 3 p.m., I took command of the @DMagazine Twitter handle to offer up insights in bite-size portions. Since it is exceedingly difficult to limit my wisdom to 140-character chunks, I’m offering bonus content below, in this sampling of what transpired:

You think I’d be caught dead in one of those monstrosities? No home of mine will ever be a McMansion. Strangely enough, as many McMansions as one sees on far too many Dallas streets these days, no one I have ever encountered actually lives in a McMansion. At least, not according to their own reckoning. “McMansion” is one of those terms — like “hipster” or “cheese-eating surrender monkey” — that’s often heard in the third person, rarely in the first.

In my corporeal days, I might take a pair of a shears to my own head or turn the matter over to my wife. I only entrusted the local barber to pull my teeth.

I pity the poor tourists that they must live anywhere other than Dallas, the greatest city in the world.

Strictly speaking, I don’t “live” anywhere.

I tried to get “T-Bone” to catch on, but they preferred “Colonel.”

Folks are neither happier nor sadder than they were in ages past, including my salad days. As for the effect of the worldwide echo chamber upon the general quality of global life, the trouble is that you’ve given every miserable son-of-a-bitch a megaphone.

T-Bone out,

John-Neely-Bryan-signature
John Neely Bryan is the founder of the city of Dallas and an expert on all matters. Email him for advice, to have a dispute adjudicated, or to seek his wisdom on any of a myriad of topics, at [email protected].

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