In January 2009, I lived in a two bedroom apartment right outside Washington DC. If you remember January 2009, and particularly Washington DC in January 2009, you will remember it as basically a modern-day gold rush. It was the first time—if memory serves—that Craigslist was used for anything other than “M4BBW; will bring wine coolers.”
It all went something like this:
“In town for the Obama inauguration? Have I got the place for you!”
“Don’t spend $450 a night on a ho-tel! My son, Carl, is away at college and his room is available for only $200/night!! It’s only 45 minutes from the Metro, then a quick ride into downtown!! [email protected]#$”
“I will rent you my laundry room for $325/night. You can not do any laundry.”
“Backyard. Tent. $150/night. No bathroom.”
So my roommate and I tossed our hat in the ring, sat back, and started spending our imaginary money. It did not pan out. Surprisingly, no one wanted to spend $350 a night (three night minimum!) to stay on my rickety futon.
This is a long way of saying good luck to these people:
$45000 / 3br – 1800ft^2 – National Championship Rental (Burleson)
That’s right, $45,000. If I had $45,000 to blow on a weekend trip to Burleson, that better include, I don’t know, human hunting? Lunch with a yeti? Better yet, here’s a $50,000, three bedroom, two bath house that you could buy in town.
That said: “One night dinner will be included the best BBQ in Texas.”
Sold.
OHIO!Stay aboard my yacht visiting DFW (Lewisville Lake)
This could be you, OHIO:
Note: “There are no boating excursions included in this offer, the boat will remained docked in it’s home port location.” So basically you’re on a water bed 40 minutes away from the game.
Camper rental for National Championship Football – $1275 (Dallas)
I really want to make another joke, but this might actually be the best option. Sleeps eight. Comes with a generator. Comes with propane. They’ll drop it off. No joke there, just supply and demand at work. I hope this comes to fruition.
–
Let’s switch gears and get back to the original thrust of Craigslist: asking strangers to do weird stuff with you, maybe for money.
Dancer to take to Ohio state football game – m4w
“I am flying into Dallas and am looking for a couple of exotic dancers that would want to go to the college football championship game between Ohio stae and Oregon on Monday night at AT&T stadium. I have 2 extra tickets ($450 each) Please send picture and phone number.”
Just one question, based on the phrasing: the dancers still have to pay, right? So this is more of a “Hey ladies! If you want to drop $450 to sit with someone you don’t know at AT&T Stadium for a couple hours Monday night, I’m you’re guy!” situation.
Seeking Attractive Female to Host Me For College Football Championship – m4w – 38 (Dallas)
Before all you attractive females start closing out this window and jumping into Gmail to respond, there are a few caveats:
“Please be normal, sane and please only respond if interested. Being a OSU Fan is a plus but not required.”
OK, then. Are you normal? Are you sane? Are you interested? And, not that this really matters (more of a tiebreaker, really), are you an OSU fan? If you answered yes to some of these questions, you may have the opportunity to host a 38-year-old man who has no one to travel to Arlington, Texas with him. You also “get to go to this once in a lifetime event for free or [make] alternative arrangements if you have no interest in attending.” Sounds pretty safe!
–
In closing, I’d like to make an offer.
“To anyone who may just be too GD fed up with Avis, have I got the National Championship Game Presented by AT&T deal for you!! It’s a 2001 Volkswagen Jetta, 119,000 miles. Check engine light’s constantly on, but I can tape over that. There’s also a nail in the rear passenger-side tire that I fixed with Fix-A-Flat back in November. (Instructions told me to get it patched “by a professional”, like I got a dollar tree sitting outside my house! Works fine now!) The bumper is hanging off, but that’s mostly cosmetic anyway.
NOTE: I will be reporting this vehicle stolen as soon as you take it. GO DUCKS!”
