In January 2009, I lived in a two bedroom apartment right outside Washington DC. If you remember January 2009, and particularly Washington DC in January 2009, you will remember it as basically a modern-day gold rush. It was the first time—if memory serves—that Craigslist was used for anything other than “M4BBW; will bring wine coolers.”
It all went something like this:
“In town for the Obama inauguration? Have I got the place for you!”
“Don’t spend $450 a night on a ho-tel! My son, Carl, is away at college and his room is available for only $200/night!! It’s only 45 minutes from the Metro, then a quick ride into downtown!! [email protected]#$”
“I will rent you my laundry room for $325/night. You can not do any laundry.”
“Backyard. Tent. $150/night. No bathroom.”
So my roommate and I tossed our hat in the ring, sat back, and started spending our imaginary money. It did not pan out. Surprisingly, no one wanted to spend $350 a night (three night minimum!) to stay on my rickety futon.
This is a long way of saying good luck to these people:
$45000 / 3br – 1800ft^2 – National Championship Rental (Burleson)
That’s right, $45,000. If I had $45,000 to blow on a weekend trip to Burleson, that better include, I don’t know, human hunting? Lunch with a yeti? Better yet, here’s a $50,000, three bedroom, two bath house that you could buy in town.
That said: “One night dinner will be included the best BBQ in Texas.”
OHIO!Stay aboard my yacht visiting DFW (Lewisville Lake)
This could be you, OHIO:
Note: “There are no boating excursions included in this offer, the boat will remained docked in it’s home port location.” So basically you’re on a water bed 40 minutes away from the game.
Camper rental for National Championship Football – $1275 (Dallas)
I really want to make another joke, but this might actually be the best option. Sleeps eight. Comes with a generator. Comes with propane. They’ll drop it off. No joke there, just supply and demand at work. I hope this comes to fruition.
Let’s switch gears and get back to the original thrust of Craigslist: asking strangers to do weird stuff with you, maybe for money.
Dancer to take to Ohio state football game – m4w
“I am flying into Dallas and am looking for a couple of exotic dancers that would want to go to the college football championship game between Ohio stae and Oregon on Monday night at AT&T stadium. I have 2 extra tickets ($450 each) Please send picture and phone number.”
Just one question, based on the phrasing: the dancers still have to pay, right? So this is more of a “Hey ladies! If you want to drop $450 to sit with someone you don’t know at AT&T Stadium for a couple hours Monday night, I’m you’re guy!” situation.
Seeking Attractive Female to Host Me For College Football Championship – m4w – 38 (Dallas)
Before all you attractive females start closing out this window and jumping into Gmail to respond, there are a few caveats:
“Please be normal, sane and please only respond if interested. Being a OSU Fan is a plus but not required.”
OK, then. Are you normal? Are you sane? Are you interested? And, not that this really matters (more of a tiebreaker, really), are you an OSU fan? If you answered yes to some of these questions, you may have the opportunity to host a 38-year-old man who has no one to travel to Arlington, Texas with him. You also “get to go to this once in a lifetime event for free or [make] alternative arrangements if you have no interest in attending.” Sounds pretty safe!
In closing, I’d like to make an offer.
“To anyone who may just be too GD fed up with Avis, have I got the National Championship Game Presented by AT&T deal for you!! It’s a 2001 Volkswagen Jetta, 119,000 miles. Check engine light’s constantly on, but I can tape over that. There’s also a nail in the rear passenger-side tire that I fixed with Fix-A-Flat back in November. (Instructions told me to get it patched “by a professional”, like I got a dollar tree sitting outside my house! Works fine now!) The bumper is hanging off, but that’s mostly cosmetic anyway.
NOTE: I will be reporting this vehicle stolen as soon as you take it. GO DUCKS!”