Jerry Jones Lawsuit Settled This Morning After Late-Night Lawyering

Let us never speak of this again.

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So that dancer dropped her sexual assault suit against Jerry Jones. Oddest detail from this story: the settlement was reached at 3 a.m. today. Surely they didn’t start early this morning and work for a couple hours. What time did they start yesterday? Did they take a dinner break? At, like, 11 o’clock, why didn’t they say, “Guys, let’s all go home, get some rest, and then get back at this at, oh, say 9:30 tomorrow”? More questions: does this mean that Jerry is guilty and didn’t want this thing to go to trial? Does this mean that every exotic dancer he encounters in the future — and surely there will be future exotic dancers — will file a lawsuit against him? The dancer initially wanted $1 million. Did she settle for $50,000? Does she have to pay taxes on that?

UPDATE (11:54) Jerry’s attorney sends along the following statement: “”We are pleased with the Court’s Judgment against Ms. Weckerly. Ms. Weckerly’s allegations were false. This case is over.” He also sends along a copy of the judgment, which dismisses the legal action by the plaintiff with prejudice, giving her no money.

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