Rick Perry Forms Political Committee

“Governor Perry, last week you filed paperwork with the Federal Election Commission to create a political committee, which you are calling — let’s see here — RickPAC. Since this is usually the first step to creating a war chest for a presidential run, some are suggest–“

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up, slim. Say what, now?”

"Well, yes, as I was saying, a move like this often signals that a presidential --"

“Well, yes, as I was saying, Governor, a move like this often signals that a presidential –“

“PRESIDENT?! Jesus, Mary, and Joe the Plumber — you think I’m gonna run for *president* again? You think I want to go to Vermont and get kicked in the jeans again by a bunch of syrup-sippers?”

“But Governor Perry, you have to admit that most of the time, when someone takes this step, they are at least exploring the idea of running for president.”

“The only thing I have to admit is that I liked Guardians of the Galaxy more than I thought I would.”

“O … K.”

“Just never been a huge Marvel fan, y’see? I mean, of the more obscure titles. I went to see X-Men like every other American with a bit of lead in his pencil, but a talking tree? Plus, I’m still a little bit raw about Bradley Cooper winning People’s Sexiest Man Alive. I know you guys feel me.”

“I didn’t realize Bradley Cooper was in Guardians of the Galaxy.”

“Oh, yeah! He plays a talking fox.'”

“I think it’s a raccoon, sir.”

“You sure?”

“Well, the character’s name is Rocket Raccoon, so I’m pretty sure.”

“See?! Why in the heck would I wanna run for president when I have to get my spurs stepped on like this every GD dang day?”

“OK, point taken, Governor. But still, the question remains regarding the political committee.”

“The what?”

“RickPAC.”

“Ohhhh. See, you boys are just a little confused. Since I’m looking at a little free time coming up, I was just moving some money around to this new idea I got.”

“Conservative-themed hardcore gangsta rap. Guys, let me introduce you to Rick Pac.”

“…”

“I ain’t got time for [expletive] / Gotta keep my mind on my [expletive] riches / Even when I die they won’t worry me / Mama don’t cry / Bury me a GOP!”