Ask a Mosquito: What’s the Deal With Chikungunya?

Since the first Texas case of the new mosquito-borne virus has been confirmed by the Department of State Health Services, we thought it was an appropriate time to check in with our sources in the mosquito community.

Hey, man, thanks for taking the time.
No problem, no problem. I don’t know about the other guys but I’m, you know, I’m all about education where stuff like this is concerned, you know? You get a lot of — I mean, I don’t want to paint with too broad of a brush here — but a lot of whack jobs out there. Just, I mean, the paranoia takes over.

Oh, sure. Yeah. Of course.
Right. So, uh — you knew Mikey, yeah?

Yeah. Sorry to hear about what happened.
Thanks, man. Thanks. You know, it’s OK. He had a long life cycle. Dude was basically a legend.

Oh, no doubt. Anyway, I guess you know why we’re talking today.
[Long sigh] Yep — freaking chikungunya.

Ah, OK, that’s how you say it.
[Laughs] Yeah, it took me a minute, too. First time I heard someone say it, I was all, “No thanks, man. I had Indian last night.”

[Laughs] But, yeah, no, it’s starting to be a real problem. I mean, I know you guys have enough trouble dealing with it, but think about us.

Here we are, just trying to cover our cerci after all that West Nile bulls–t, and now this. It’s like: can we get a break for two [redacted] seconds? They finally stop carpet-bombing us with Duet all night long, people are starting to ease up on draining their pools and everything, life is returning to normal and then — Jesus. You know? At least this one sounds like a buffet item. It’s like, whatever. “Chikungunya” sounds almost harmless in comparison. You want to scare a bunch of white people? Name something “West Nile.”

No joke. Are you worried at all, you know, about catching it?
[Long pause] I mean … I guess a little bit. But what are you gonna do, you know? You just gotta live your life. “Keep Calm and Bite on” or whatever.

You’re better than that.
I know, I know! [Laughs] Sorry, sorry, sorry. I just couldn’t help myself. It was just, like, right there.

OK, fine. I’ll give you a pass. Hey, since I have you here, I should probably ask you about —
Vonciel’s pool?

[Laughs] How did you know?
Come on, man. I’ve been waiting on one of you guys to ask me about that since Slouchy over at — what’s that blog called? State Fair-something?

Unfair Park.
Right, right — Unfair Park. Anyway, thanks for blowing our spot, Nicholson. [Laughs] It’s OK. I know he’s got a job to do. But, holy [redacted], can I just tell you something? That joint was like Studio [redacted] 54 before it hit the news. I mean, it was insane. It was almost, really, it was kind of too much, you know? At first, it sounds great. And it is, for a while. You’re just going and going and going and [makes vague, dub-step-sounding noises] until you feel like your freaking palps are going to fall off. But then, like, after a week or so? Man, you just want to chill out for a hot second. Like, can I just go into diapause, please?

[Laughs] Oh, yeah, I know the feeling.
But, yeah, it’s sort of cooled down now. For a while there, though, we were on some Hammer of the Gods business.


  • Tim Rogers