Conan O’Brien’s Houston Fun Facts

The talk show host plays to his Dallas audience.

During a bit on his show last night taped at the Majestic Theatre, Conan O’Brien played to the hometown crowd by singing a song in praise to Dallas, based upon facts he found in the city’s Wikipedia entry. He turned the pandering up to 11 by throwing in some insulting factoids about Houston:

“Houston’s total area is 650 square miles, all of it comprised of burning garbage piles.”

“Houston’s smog is eighth-worst in the USA, and it’s home to every serial killer that’s alive today.”

“Its industries are known for pollutin’, and it’s the favorite U.S. city of Vladimir Putin.”

It’s funny because it’s true?


  • January Jones

    It’s not surprising that Austin got the funny late night comic – Jimmy Kimmel. I didn’t know that Conan was still around. He might be the most overrated thing since Obama’s 2008 presidential campaign.

    • zaccrain

      Dynamite set. You obviously know about being funny.

  • Jim Schermbeck

    Actually, I think our smog is worse…..

  • rjmunthe

    Hey, Conan, I think you got the smog thing wrong. Dallas is #8, Houston is number #7. Oh, look, particle pollution is #112 at both.

    Crime rate? Dallas has a higher murder and rape rate. Hmmmm.

    Oh, look, when I google “Dallas vs Houston” it’s a bunch of websites patting themselves on the back for how great Dallas/Fort Worth is.

    Oh, hey, Houston was a finalist for the Olympics? Was Dallas? Nope. Not even close.

    Oh, hey, Houston has hosted the Final Four twice already!

    Oh, hey, Houston will be hosting it’s third Super Bowl!

    Houston vs. Dallas museums? Not even a similarity. Houston by a landslide.

    Houston has the most parks per square mile in the country.

    Alley Theatre is a Tony award winner.

    Cowboys haven’t been relevant in 20 years and have been nothing but trash during the Texans’ existence. FC Dallas has been irrelevant forever, Dynamo is the best MLS team. Rockets have more titles and the Astros are considerably better over the both 40-year span they’ve existed.

    UH and A&M or SMU and UNT? I’m huge UNT fan but, let’s be real here.

    Cowboys Stadium or Reliant? Uh…Cowboys Stadium is a mockery of the NFL and even your star QB hates it and Cowboys fans.

    AAC vs Toyota…alright, you win here.

    Houston leads the nation in personal income.

    The Houston Medical Center is the most influential medical center in the country.

    The Astrodome is rotting, but in it’s heyday, 8th Wonder of the World.

    Forbes names Houston coolest city and best for college graduates year in and year out.

    So Dallas literally HAS NOTHING other than $30,000 millionaires.

  • Steven Wilkerson

    I’m from Houston and its just a joke… He said another one last night where the Cowboys are Americas team but the Houston Astros are definitely Houstons team. There is no doubt there is animosity between Houston and Dallas, but really we are all Texans and we all work hard. He does have a point though Houston teams do suck, but Houston is not a dump.

  • ExDallasite

    I grew up in HP and went to Rice where I met my wife of 42 years! For a long time thought I might end up in D, but after awhile realized that would never happen.
    Why? Better job, better intellectual community comprised of the largest medical center
    In the world, including the best cancer center in the world, museums of world class
    stature. Arts, are you kidding me? Symphony, Opera, Ballet, theatre, all are
    better than Dallas. SMU compared to Rice or even UH…..pleeeeze!!! If you
    don’t care about this, then the case is proved…..Dallas is a POS. The weather is a

  • ExDallasite

    Just curious what happened to my post below. Hope it disappeared only because of “editorial review”.

  • Melissa

    Funny Conan O’Brien would say these these things when earlier this year he presented James Allison Ph.D. of MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston the Breakthrough Prize in Life Sciences for the discovery of T cell checkpoint blockade as effective cancer therapy. I guess we’re trying to cure cancer between the garbage piles.