Why Florida Beats Texas: A Memo to Sean Hannity

We're to help the Fox News personality make the right choice.

This could be your life in Florida.
This could be your life in Florida.

Mr. Hannity,

We understand that you’ve had enough of tax-and-spend liberal New York. Bully for you. We’ve heard that you’re eyeing either Texas or Florida for your big move, and that you might even run for office in your new home state.

We’d like to help you decide which side of this fork in the road to take. Consider:

1. Florida is a swing state, whereas Texas should stay reliably red at least for the next couple national election cycles. They need your vote more.

2. Glenn Beck, Rick Perry, and Louie Gohmert don’t live in Florida. There might not be enough oxygen for all of you bloviating inspiring the conservative cause in the Lone Star State.

3. In Florida, psychopaths blend right in.


  • Cindy

    Jason, you do realize that in order to produce biting humor, humor must be present, right?

  • jfpo

    He’s already come out and said he’s really not going anywhere. Like Limbaugh threatening to move to Costa Rica if Obama was reelected, or Nugent saying he would be dead or in jail by now, Hannity is just another conservative who can’t keep a promise.

  • Ted

    I think he had himself at the PhotoShopped picture of Hannity. The rest was just gift wrapping.

  • WmBTravis

    I hope you don’t get too defensive when people question your grammar school. Let’s try to be inclusive and not so provincial. Thanks.

  • Corky Luxembourg

    Memo to Jason:
    Please take your thoughtless, liberal drivel to the unemployment line, where it should finally get the reception you so badly crave.

  • Avid Reader

    Add it to the long list of negative bloviating posts when dealing with conservatives.

  • Mike

    This liberal crap is why I stopped reading Unfair Park. Now it’s getting old over here.

  • jbarn

    You should probably stick exclusively to the Faux News Network.