On A.C. Gonzalez’s Choice To Remain a Virgin

Trivia: the “A.C.” doesn’t stand for anything.

It is time that this issue be addressed. Yes, our new city manager, A.C. Gonzalez, is a virgin. He is a deeply religious man, and he has decided to save himself. That is also why, during City Council meetings, he sometimes wears a small green teddy bear strapped to his head. It’s to promote sexual abstinence among unmarried people. If you search hard enough, you can probably still find the video that A.C. made back in the day with Arsenio Hall to convince people that waiting to have sex is even safer than having safe sex. And the rumors you’ve heard are true. Jill Jordan, Theresa O’Donnell, and the other assistant city managers have for years tried to tempt A.C. into breaking his promise to God, sending wanton women to his City Hall office. A.C. has always firmly but politely turned them away, quoting scripture as he does. So once again: yes, A.C. is a virgin. Let’s please move past his personal life and get on with the more important business of running the city.

Also, he has chronic hiccups.


  • jmckee

    Don’t worry he has a bright future of screwing all sorts of Dallas citizens.

  • Tim Rogers

    Sure, but will he be happy as a role player coming off the bench to grab rebounds and play defense?

  • Pete Freedman

    This won’t go over people’s heads at ALL.

  • Bill Marvel

    Class, Tim. Real class.

  • BrentDude

    This happens when the boss is on vacation.

  • Tim Rogers

    For those confused:


    I thought about the other A.C. Greene, withe extra “e” but figured even fewer people would be acquainted with the local author. Plus, Greene was a notable virgin. Not did he suffer from hiccups.

  • tesyed

    I’m sure there was a point to this…but you didn’t convey it properly.

  • AmyS

    I believe A.C. Greene was married to one of the Sanger girls. From “Texas Sketches” (Taylor Publishing, 1985), “A.C. Green has been involved with nearly every facet of the media: radio, television, newspaper; he is also a novelist and writer of non-fiction as well as a teacher and renowned Texas historian.” Local author indeed.

  • Wylie H Dallas

    Sometimes I wish I was more literate…

  • Harley Crimson

    A virgin or a man with sexual hang ups. You decide.

  • Bill Marvel

    It’s still real classy.