Leading Off (1/30/14)

Three stories that will change your life.

Judge May Decide to Seal Some of Harold Simmons’ Will. Not all of it, as the family requested. But he is going to hide from public view the part revealing who Simmons bequeathed his precious collection of restaurant matchbooks to, as well as who is getting the farm in Iceland where he trained attack doves, and, most important, who is taking possession of the ajanti dagger, known for its ability to kill mystical beings. But we should learn soon who Simmons selected to finish his long-gestating book on the history of the knock-knock joke.

Trial Begins Next Week Over Ownership of Lee Harvey Oswald’s Casket. I know what you’re wondering, and the answer is yes, JFK historian Farris Rookstool will be testifying.

Champ d’Or Mansion Back On the Market. Listing price is $35 million, but I bet if you were to offer, say, $33 million, you’d probably have a shot. It’s in Hickory Creek in Denton County, but it does include “40 acres of property, a media room, exercise room, bowling alley, wine cellar, multiple kitchens, a sauna and steam room, a tennis court, game room, indoor AND outdoor pools, plus a tea room modeled after New York’s Tavern on the Green.” Oh, really? It has a media room? Are you kidding me? That’s amazing. I mean, a media room — how many houses do you know actually have one of those? SO UNIQUE. Wow. That might be worth $15 million right there, what with the attention — and, let’s be honest, envy — you’ll receive for having a house with a media room.