Help Us Establish Cowboys-Bears Wager

Cristina Daglas took my job. But her team won't take this game!

CowboysOn one side of the wager: Cristina Daglas, noted Chicago native and devoted Bears fan (aka the interloper who stole my job away from me). On the other side of the wager: me, noted wagerer and wearer of old Marion Barber Cowboys jersey on game day because it gets me 10 percent off my grocery bill at Albertsons. The only question, then, is what should we bet?

I proposed to Cristina that the loser sing a song of the winner’s choosing over the company PA system. She said no in a way that now makes me want to get her loaded at karaoke night at the Goat. Next suggestion: loser eats a raw jalapeño. She made an ick face. Next suggestion: loser drinks the score differential in Dirty Dusties. Cristina pointed out that she weighs, like, 98 pounds and that, say, 10 shots, each followed by a beer, might kill her. Which is exactly the sort of sissy quitter attitude you’d expect from someone from Chicago. Am I right?! Who’s with me?

I bring it to you, the wise FrontBurnervian. What should Cristina and I wager on this football contest?

Update: Someone on Facebook suggested the loser volunteer for a day at the charity of the winner’s choice. When it comes to wagers that can have a payoff on FrontBurner, something with which to entertain our 15 readers on Monday after the game, that’s about the worst suggestion in the world. Please, no one else make it.


  • Eric Celeste

    Loser has to pay bill for lunch with winner and RAB at restaurant of RAB’s choice, listen to one hour of RAB’s suggestions on how to do loser’s job better, can’t disagree.

    • Tim Rogers

      I would rather eat 15 jalapenos and drink 50 Dirty Dusties. Then, when I’m dead from alcohol poisoning and living in hell, check Satan’s prostate for cancer without aid of latex glove. Then have to sing on the company PA.

  • Brett Moore

    One brand new tuxedo.

  • Kk.

    Loser wears a strapless sequined ball gown for the week.

  • Bizarro Big Tex

    Loser has to French Kiss Jerry Jones. For ten minutes. And let him embrace you.

    Now I am going to take a shower and watch twelve hours of army training films to get that image out of my mind.

  • Chris

    – Loser has to root for the opposing team at command for the rest of 2013, and whole next season. Meaning also wear opposing colors, logos, etc at command.

    – get blender, winner gets to put what ever edible item he\she wants into blender, loser drinks.

    – loser has to post personal ad on craigslist with real contact info.

    – Loser must order sit down meals ‘a la mode’ every day for a week.

    • Tim Rogers

      Very solid suggestions.

  • JtB

    Loser wears a bikini sporting the winners logo for a day.

  • AmyS

    OK, OK, I get it. You want edgy. Hard to top a tuxedo for a month, geez. Does Satan have a prostate? That is an interesting premise for the holidays.

    1) Loser has to write the other’s Leading Off for a month?
    2) Winner gets 10 “Don’t Talk Now” coupons to be used at any time at work.
    3) Loser has to write a 3000 word essay on the brilliance of Jim Schutze – for publication on Frontburner, of course.
    4) Winner gets a picnic luncheon at KWP, catered and served by the loser.

  • vseslav botkin

    Don’t over-think this. Loser does a shot of Malört.

    • Dubious Brother

      Malört, the best cure ever for an upset stomach, is not available in Dallas or Texas or anywhere but Chicago. I would go with the winner gets round trip airfare to Chicago to get a shot of Malört.

  • Ross Munger

    Loser gets a tattoo of the winning team on his or her ankle. Probably not a big threat to Tim, seeing how he has a collection of them from his wine-cooler fueled Spring Break in 1984.

  • Tim Rogers

    One of my college roommates offered the following:

    “Loser has to call his/her parents and tell them they are terminally I’ll.”

    “Loser wears winner’s underwear for a week.”

    “Loser kills puppy with bare hands.”

    Bear in mind that this fellow has a Ph.D.

  • vseslav botkin

    True, but surely the Chicagoan Daglas can draw upon her network to have a bottle shipped down on the sly.