Leading Off (3/28/13)

Mavs Tempt Fate By Inviting Barber To Indiana Game. If they win, the players who have vowed not to shave until the team’s record hits .500 can get rid of their awesome, majestic beards. So inviting the barber is a bit like publishing the championship parade route. By deductive reasoning, that means it was Laura Miller’s idea, as usual. Favorite part of that story: the barber is O.J. Mayo’s, who is going to leave him tickets and “said he doesn’t know his barber’s last name.” I really don’t know why that made me laugh, but it did, and then I typed my reaction, because why not, I guess.

Bees Check Into Fort Worth Hotel. It’s the Budget Suites of America on Northeast Loop 820, if you need to cancel a reservation. How many bees? I don’t know. A Randy Owens described the amount as both “a big swarm” and “a cloud of bees,” but I don’t know the conversion rate on that. The hotel’s response? “Zero response,” Owens said. He further described the response, or lack thereof, as “inadequate,” which seems to be a bit of a back pedal on Randy’s part. Also, according to that story, Owens carries caution tape with him, so I would have to categorize him as “inordinately prepared for odd emergencies” and “someone who more than likely has at least one pocketknife on him at all times, and probably in a holster of some sort, possibly in a bandolier along with other pocketknives and maybe a harmonica and definitely some waterproof matches and a compass.”

I’m About To Link To A Story About War Dogs Who Need Adoption To Distract Krista Nightengale, Our Managing Editor, From The Fact That I Am Late On Not One But Two Assignments. Here it comes, right … here.

Fired Voice of Big Tex Knows How To Craft a Sound Bite.“I’ll tell you, this is the first day I’ve been at a loss for words since I’ve been in this business — and that’s 42 years,” Bill Bragg said. He then said “Howdy, y’all” to no one in particular for the next 45 minutes, punctuating each utterance with an increasingly desperate laugh, before heading out into the parking lot and lobbing Fletcher’s Corny Dogs in the air, then casually blowing them out of the sky with the pearl-handled pistol he keeps in his boot.

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