Seattle Columnist Makes the Case For Texas Secession, Should Probably Just Stick to Nirvana

Remember a few months ago when we all had a good laugh because a bunch of folks thought it might be a good idea to let this state of ours break off into the Gulf of Mexico, left to rely solely on gumption, oil reserves, and barbecue? It was fun, we had to call our out-of-state friends and say “No, you won’t need a passport any time soon,” and it allowed me to write a bunch of blog posts. Well, it seems one man isn’t letting the idea go. Meet Joel Connelly, a 35-year employee of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, and, judging by his Google Image library, the all-time champion of any Wilford Brimley look-alike contest.


What would the rest of America gain — and lose — were the Texas Nationalist Movement to achieve its goal of secession?

He then begins his list: fewer awful presidents; greater respect for the law; fewer awful members of Congress; less climate idiocy.

If Texas were to secede, in sum, the rest of the United States would have fewer wars, enjoy a higher proportion of smart politicians in Washington, D.C.,  and be better able to tackle issues ranging from climate change to gun violence.

None of this, mind you, seems to be tongue-in-cheek. He seems to be forgetting that the rest of the country has produced plenty of terrible presidents, and that, if Texas was to secede, I’m sure a state like Florida or Louisiana or maybe even Maine would happily grab the “craziest state” trophy and begin churning out Louis Gohmerts like they’re Nikes.

His list of things America would lose? Austin, essentially. That’s it:

America would lose on the technology front, the literary front, the culinary front and the music front were Austin, Texas, to be taken from it.  Texas would depart just as changing demographics — the rising Hispanic population, emigration from the north — promise to loosen the good-old-boy grip.

Now I almost want to secede, just to prove Connelly wrong.


  • Dubious Brother

    This boy speaks to us from one of the whitest states in the country. Chances are that there are more black and hispanic people in Dallas County than there are in the entire state of Washington. It is always interesting to have these isolated progressives tell others what is wrong with them. He just doesn’t get enough sunshine in more ways than one.

  • Clint

    I’m not a Texan, though my family and I are giving serious thought to changing that; we get a feeling we’d be at home in Texas.

    Secession is obviously just a protest expression at present, but it’s interesting that the real effect of a Texas secession never gets closely looked at by the scoffers. If the US had a competing country right next to it, speaking the same language and having mostly the same laws, but with a small government, freer culture, and significantly lower taxes (sound familiar?) the drain of talent and energy across the border from the US to Texas would, within a generation, result in serious economic loss to the US, and probably a doubling of Texas per-cap income vs that of the rest of the country.

  • Richard K

    The North looks forward to its upcoming migration when the Sunbelt runs out of water. So, yeah, sure, Texas. Go ahead and secede. The term “Dry County” will take on a new meaning in coming years.

    This back and forth b/w Northerrns and Rebels reminds me of the ski slopes of Colorado.
    Coloradan: “Hey Texan. You shouldn’t ski down that big mountain.”
    Texan: “Oh yeah? Watch this, ya’ll” Splat!

  • Spock

    Tell me – when the U.S.A. attacked ot annihilate my business(es), break up my family (not once, but twice), and take effective steps to assure that I would never again be gainfully employed, then harassed me relentlessy – including intercept my mail, stop and frisk (knock hell out of me even threaten with guns on occasion) more than 110 (I didn’t for a time start a diary of it all), times, burglarize my house and offices more than sixty times, and made six public and witnessed by scores of people attempts on my life, what should I have done?

    I seceded – dropped out of society and fled to the wilderness. This isn’t a matter of reality created from political rhetoric and “made for televsion,” you know. You’ll fight because the choice you’ll be given is fight or accept slavery. Secession may be de facto, not legal, but that will make no difference at all. The government can only put so many people in jail, even if it’s as many as the Japanese and German Americans after Pearl Harbor; and we have guns…

    What do you think all this post Sandy Hook gun control furor is all about? Wake the hell up! What do you think this is – a republic?

  • RomneyLover

    Please go, please go, please. Texas sucks harder than an Aggie. The only bad part about Texas leaving is that it wouldn’t also mean the morons there would cease to exist completely. If only there was a way to make the people there disappear too.

  • RomneyLover

    Please please please go. Texas sucks harder than an Aggie. The only bad part of Texas leaving would be that it wouldn’t also make those morons cease to exist completely.

  • rkluess

    I just put out a book that goes into a somewhat entertaining, but thoughtful way that a group of people could legally and peacefully enact secession. I actually think that if people were serious about it, it would work:

  • Philthy Phil

    Please, please do secede. As soon as possible. Don’t bitch, don’t kvetch (go look that word up), don’t whine, don’t brag. Just go. Take your piece-of-garbage, overarmed, poverty-causing, batsh*t-crazy state with you. If your sttae sucked any harder, the rest of the country would have an orgasm.