Tux Challenge Day 31: — 30 —

Why do I feel a little like Rick Perry?
Why do I feel a little like Rick Perry?

I discovered two things on this, the final day of the Great Tuxedo Challenge of 2012, brought to you by Patron XO Cafe, with special help from Al’s Formal Wear: 1) Patron XO Cafe works well in coffee. I’m not sure why it took me this long to try that particular concoction. It’s like an Irish coffee, only more Mexican. And 2) Al’s Formal Wear can hook you up with a Texas flag vest-and-tie combo. It’s a good thing this discovery came so late in the game, because I feel certain if Zac had known about it earlier, he would have made me wear the Texas stuff for the entire month. Not that I don’t love Texas with all my heart. It’s just that — well, you understand.

You know, if you ask any guy who writes, especially a guy who tries to write funny, if he’s honest, he’ll tell you — wait that’s the wrong speech. Hang on.

Thanks to Zac for coming up with the challenge and stringing it together. You’re still not getting a piggyback ride to the parking garage.

Thanks to Patron XO Cafe for sponsoring the whole thing and for being the wind beneath my wings.

Thanks to Al’s Formal Wear for the tuxedos, especially the one I destroyed while crawling under my house. My apologies again, in advance, for destroying one of the cuff links.

Thanks to Lord baby Jesus, lying there in your ghost manger, just looking at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learning about shapes and colors, for making the second half of August unseasonably cool.

Thanks to my wife and children for putting up with me at home. I promise that, sans tuxedo, my mood will improve. But, you know, it wouldn’t hurt if you kids would stop getting punishment essays at school for misbehavior. And, also, dear wife, stop punching me when I snore. I’m not doing it on purpose to make you angry. I swear.

Thanks to the anonymous benefactor for paying for the reward tuxedo. Believe me, sir, you will pay.

And thanks to all you alert FrontBurnervians out there for suffering through this challenge with me. I hope it didn’t drag on too long, and I hope you found at least a few of the dispatches mildly amusing.

My mom gave me this cake. It's what I ate for lunch.
My mom gave me this cake. It's what I ate for lunch.


  • L.E. Gantt

    Our long national nightmare is over.

  • Daniel

    I thought the Holy Ghost was in charge of weather. The Holy Ghost always gets short shrift. God gets the booming voice and Jesus gets the movie-star good looks, and what does ol’ H.G. get? A overflowing in-box and no thanks, is what.

  • D. Shapiro


  • Susan Hammerschmidt

    Congratulations on making it through the entire month while managing to write some amusing articles, and not completely losing your sanity. I was looking to seeing what special surprise this last day would bring, and you did not disappoint us with that Texas themed vest and tie!

  • Amy H

    What are you going to wear next year during the month of August?

  • Sybil’ Beaver

    my favorite photo was the water skiing. Although I did enjoy envisioning the scene of you n a tux under your house. Unfortunately now you will be harder to spot walking from the arts district garage across pearl and down to your building. Just know, the beav is always watching

  • z

    You try to write funny?