My apologies. Friday was a tough day, and I was unable to deliver a proper report on the Great Tuxedo Challenge of 2012. Zac and I were fortunate enough to participate in the Big Clay Shoot, out at Elm Fork Shooting Sports, a charity event benefiting Big Brothers Big Sisters. Some 250 people showed up to shoot, and a good time was had by all, including yours truly, even though I twice came close to passing out. Friday was hot. And humid. In other words, not the best day to shoot shotguns in a black tuxedo. As I guzzled water pretty much nonstop, I sweated clean through my undershirt, dress shirt, and jacket.
Did I pour myself a Patron XO Cafe on the rocks to steel my nerves and steady my aim? No, I did not. Alcoholic beverages — even delicious, refreshing alcoholic beverages — are not allowed at Elm Fork Shooting Sports for reasons that should be obvious. Did I look smashing, even though I was near death? Yes, I did, thanks to the helpful, knowledgeable staff at Al’s Formal Wear. When I returned to the office, Krista said, “Ew, you don’t look well.” No, I did not look well. But I did look good.
You will be curious to learn how Zac and I performed. I will tell you. On the ride out to Elm Fork, Zac complained about how he hadn’t shot a gun of any type since he was 17. I therefore set a modest goal for him. A full round of sporting clays entails 100 shots. I told Zac he should set his sights on five. Anything more would be a bonus. Guess how many clays Zac shot. You got it. He shot five (putting him dead last among shooters who hit at least one clay; there were several who fired up goose eggs, which is hard for me to imagine). The winning score was a 94. And your well-dressed buddy Tim? I shot 42. All things considered — the gallons of sweat pouring off my person and creating puddles in my sneakers, the irregularity with which I use a shotgun — a perfectly acceptable outcome.