Mr. Joe Tone, editor of the Dallas Observer:
Perhaps you have heard of the Red Bull Soapbox Race. It is a thing. The makers of the energy drink go around the country staging soapbox races. Jumps are involved. And crazy-ass steep bobsled-like turns. You probably should watch some of the videos at that link before you even think about accepting this challenge, because some of that stuff looks dangerous, and I know you’re from out of town.
In any case, the Red Bull Soapbox Race comes through Dallas in September. Registration ends May 1. I hereby officially and actually challenge the Observer staff to a race. Red Bull has agreed to fund the construction of both our rigs (though the actual construction is up to the individual publications).
Are you scared? You look scared.
I bet right now Jim Schutze is reading this and coming up with excuses for why he can’t pilot the Observer rig in a race against me, Tim Rogers. I bet his excuse will have something to do with Detroit and the Texas Institute of Letters (whatever that is).
Be that as it may, I await your response. Good day, sir.