Serious Grammy Commentary From Two Old Friends

"Good afternoon to y'all. We weren't gonna make a big deal about this, but Tommy and I were sitting around our annual Grammy party last night and we were just like, screw it. Folks need to know our thoughts on this. We've got the free time now, and the podiums, so why not?"

"First off, let's be real clear on something."

"You guys know I love 'Otis.' You KNOW this. But I've got one question."

"Why wasn't 'N---as In Paris' even nominated? WHAT THE H, GUYS? Tommy and I were ticked even before the show last night."

"BALL SO HARD."

"BALL SO HARD."

"BALL SO HARD."

"ALSO, I don't know about you guys, but I was a little ticked that the Whitney tribute was only ONE GD song."

(blinking back tears) (softly) "Jesus, Whitney." (long sigh)

"..."

"But"--long sigh--"we don't wanna be completely negative about last night. Not with that comeback performance by my girl Adele."

"OMG, you guys! HOW GREAT WAS THAT? I mean, I wasn't sure she was gonna do 'Rolling in the Deep,' and then -- BOOM."

"'We could have had it allllllllllllllll.'"

"DAMN. She grabbed that show by the biscuits and gave 'em a couple of turns."

"I mean, wow. What'd you think, Tommy?"

"Oh, like I said last night, she blew the doors off that thing. Yep."

"I mean, and I know from singing, that was something special."

"But I'd like to go back to something you said: ONE song for Whitney? Come on. But you know, it was coming from the Grammys, that old leftist machine. So..."

"WHAT DID WE EXPECT? You know who was behind this, right?"

"OBAMA. And WASHINGTON. Just blew your mind, huh?"

"I mean, enough of this horse hockey, Mr. President. COME ON."

"Also, Skrillex? Give me a GD break."

"Daaaaamn, son."

"Alright, Tommy. Let's bounce."

"Peace out, players.'