Gene Weingarten Proposes Solutions to Several Texas Problems

You remember Gene Weingarten, right? He’s the two-time Pulitzer Prize-winning writer who spoke at the Mayborn Conference last summer in Grapevine. After talking about some difficult ethics decisions journalists have to make (like, say, the time a source passed him a loaded bowl), he was ridiculously surprisingly criticized by displeased locals. Well in today’s Washington Post column, riffing on the new listen-to-the-heartbeat-before-your-abortion bill, Weingarten returns to Texas to solve some of the state’s biggest problems.

The new abortion bill doesn’t go far enough, he says:

“Before a woman has sex with a man, she has to put on her makeup in the bathroom immediately after the guy has spent serious potty time there. Assuming she still wants to have sex with him, the next step is to make sure he knows what he is getting into: He must watch the lady walk around for a while with a sofa cushion under her shirt, kvetching about gas pains. Only then can they have sex. This will really cut down on abortions.”

He goes on to propose similar solutions for the Texas obesity rates, for illiteracy, for too many cowboy hats, and for the plague of idiot politicians.