An Important Announcement From Rick Perry

"Governor Perry, sources are saying that--"
“Governor Perry, sources are saying that you are–“
photography by Christina Barany
"Hey, hey -- hold up for a sec. I'll take y'all's questions in a minute. I got an announcement to make. Chuck and I worked it out on the van ride over and I don't want to lose my place."
“Hey, hey — hold up for a sec. I’ll take y’all’s questions in a minute. I got an announcement to make. Chuck and I worked it out on the van ride over and I don’t want to lose my place.”
photography by William Neal
"Let's see here." (mumbles inaudibly)
“Let’s see here.” (mumbles inaudibly)
photography by Laura Callas
(long sigh)
(long sigh)
photos by Mariah Tyler
"Well, that wasn't my actual speech. I don't remember writing down all the lyrics to 'Friends In Low Places,' but I guess I did. Ah, hell, I'll wing it."
“Well, that wasn’t my actual speech. I don’t remember writing down all the lyrics to ‘Friends In Low Places,’ but I guess I did. Ah, hell, I’ll wing it.”
photography by Nikki Nichols and Bob Manzino
" ... "
” … “
photography by Jason Acton
"Honestly, boys, I feel a little dumb."
“Honestly, boys, I feel a little dumb.”
photography by Lisa Stewart
"Because you folded like a pair of pants in all the debates?"
“Because you folded like a pair of pants in all the debates?”
photography by Christina Barany
"Because of the commercials?"
“Because of the commercials?”
photography by Christina Barany
"Jesus Chrysler 300, guys. Think you can zip up and let me finish? I'm trying to make a GD speech -- without any notes, thank you Griff -- and you boys keep stepping on my spurs."
“Jesus Chrysler 300, guys. Think you can zip up and let me finish? I’m trying to make a GD speech — without any notes, thank you Griff — and you boys keep stepping on my spurs.”
photography by William Neal
"ANYWAY, I was flipping through a copy of Field & Stream last night, just getting ready for the debate, when it hit me."
“ANYWAY, I was flipping through a copy of Field & Stream last night, just getting ready for the debate, when it hit me.”
photography by Jason Acton
"Rick, why are you wasting your GD running for president of America? YOU'RE ALREADY PRESIDENT OF TEXAS!"
“Rick, why are you wasting your GD time running for president of America? YOU’RE ALREADY PRESIDENT OF TEXAS!”
photography by Jerry McClure
(stares ahead for 45 seconds) (mutters quietly) "Holy s---."
(stares ahead for 45 seconds) (mutters quietly) “Holy s—. He’s really doing it.”
photography by Christina Barany
"BOOM. What now, America?"
“BOOM. What now, America?”
photos by WJNPHOTO
"That's right. As of in a few minutes, by executive order of President Rick Perry, Texas is seceding from the Union--"
“That’s right. As of in a few minutes, by executive order of President Rick Perry, Texas is seceding from the Union–“
photos by Laura Callas
"No one has called it that in at least 100 years."
“No one has called it that in at least 100 years.”
photography by Christina Barany
"--and officially becoming its own country. Our mascot is going to be the Cougars, and our fight song is Toby Keith's 'I Love This Bar.' "
“–and officially becoming its own country. Our mascot is going to be the Cougars, and our fight song is Toby Keith’s ‘I Love This Bar.’ “
photos by Laura Callas
"But Rick, I was going to get to be a senator."
“But Rick, I was going to get to be a senator.”
photos by WJNPHOTO
"Don't crowd me, Dave. We'll make you the ambassador to America or something."
“Don’t crowd me, Dave. We’ll make you the ambassador to America or something.”
" ... "
” … “
"So if you boys don't mind, I'm gonna skip the questions and just make this all official like. I got an inauguration ball to get to."
“So if you boys don’t mind, I’m gonna skip the questions and just make this all official like. I got an inauguration ball to get to.”
"Let's get on out of here, Griff. That Chard is probably sweating something fierce. Chuck, you ready?"
“Let’s get on out of here, Griff. That Chard is probably sweating something fierce. Chuck, you ready?”
"You know it, boss."
“You know it, boss.”
"Adios, mofos."
“Adios, mofos.”
photos by Laura Callas

FIN.

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