What I Learned About Dallas From Watching Top Chef: Texas

As mentioned earlier, last night’s episode of Top Chef: Texas was the first set in Dallas. A sampling of what outlets across the country learned about our city.

Esquire:   “What we learned here is that rich people in Dallas are freaking weird. One couple revealed that they had 1,200 people at their wedding. Another proudly reminisced about their gummy-bear wedding cake – they were hosting dessert, and dessert-team member Ed Lee, he of the facial expressions, shot them a look that said, ‘You people are from another planet, but okay.’”

Baltimore Sun:  “The couple that owns the first insane mansion is Kim and Justin Whitman. Kim is an entertaining expert and seems to be auditioning for Real Housewives of Dallas … Keep an eye out for her on Bravo in the future. Kim hates cilantro, bell peppers, grease and things she has never tried. Basically she is a chef’s dream.”

Entertainment Weekly: “Cilantro is apparently public enemy number one on the Dallas version of Wisteria Lane.” Sisters Kim Whitman and Kari Kloewer both remarked on their hatred of cilantro. So maybe it’s more of a Canadian thing than a Dallas thing.

Atlanta Journal-Constitution:  “The only thing more ridiculous than having 800 people at a wedding is feeling the need to one-up your rich friend by mentioning that you had 1200 at yours.”

Culture Mob:   “Team Appetizer consists of Ugly Chris, Whitney, Paul, Lindsay and Sarah.  Their hosts are the kind of people that shouldn’t be allowed on TV, ie the kind of people that Bravo trades in.  They don’t like bell peppers.  They were thinking of having all the food pink. They think it should be easy to eat.  They are not adventurous.  Basically, they’re auditioning for the Real Housewives of Dallas.  Team Entree consists of He-Cat, Chuy, Heather, Beverly and Nyesha, and their hosts are slightly better than the first team in that at least the husband displays a marginally likable personality.  The wife should be punched in the neck.  Team Dessert is Beautiful Chris, Ed, Grayson and Dakota and they definitely got the hosts with the most personality.  Unfortunately, that personality is being displayed with statements like “I’m obsessed with bananas” and ‘My wedding cake was a giant gummi bear.’  I can’t waste time hating on the chefs when these people are around.  They’re awful.”

Los Angeles Times: “The hook of Wednesday’s “Top Chef: Texas” was catering a progressive dinner party, but given the flat-as-a-pancake palettes of its Dallas diners, it should have been called a regressive night out. If any more proof was needed that money can’t buy you taste, the well-heeled hosts for the cooking competition’s three-stop dinner party (appetizers, main courses, desserts) proved at every stop that they might be happier eating at a local Black Angus. One host, who considers herself an expert in entertaining, admitted she doesn’t like to try anything new. Another said his favorite dessert involved gummy bears. Another disparaged a beautiful dessert by saying it looked like Elmo. And another mistook a red wine reduction for blood. They then capped the dinner party with a classic after-dinner drink – margaritas!”

Houston Chronicle: “The rest of the show appeared to a decidedly fancier demographic (though perhaps not the most sophisticated palates in all of Texas). The chefs crashed the kitchen’s of Dallas’ 1 percent in Highland Park, where they had to impress a group of rich diners without scaring them away with ingredients they refuse, like cilantro, bell peppers and garlic. Seriously.”