Rick Perry Is Sad About Herman Cain

"Governor Perry, now that it's almost January, what is your strategy for--"

"..."

"Governor Perry?"

"..."

(sighs) "What's troubling you, sir?"

"I'm just so dang mad that Herman's gone. He was my only friend in that GD race."

"Really?"

"Oh, so ol' Ricky can't have any friends now, huh? You guys kick me in the chaps over every other little thing, so I guess it makes sense that you'd think you can tell me who I can and can't be friends with, right?"

"No, sir, it's just that--"

"YOU'RE NOT MY MAMA!"

(soothing) "Governor."

"Ah, hell. I'm sorry, boys."

"It's OK, champ. Why don't you tell us about Mr. Cain, huh? That might make you feel better."

(blinking back tears) "Oh, OK." (long sigh)

"So ... um ... you guys were friends?"

"Oh my god! The BEST friends! It was like Lethal Weapon! Well, like Lethal Weapon 2 or 3. Not the first one, because Riggs and Murtaugh weren't really friends yet, and not the fourth one, because I didn't see it."

"We used to hit the clubs after the debates. Me, Hermy, Trump would jet in every once in a while. Damn. Ol' Herman, he could raise some Cain."

(stares blankly for 10 seconds)

"Huh? Come on! Don't leave me hanging here."

"Anyway, there was this one night out in ... in ... I can't remember now. But Herman, boy, he was on his game that night. He was talking to this girl..."