Rick Perry Is Sad About Herman Cain

"Governor Perry, now that it's almost January, what is your strategy for--"
"Governor Perry, now that it's almost January, what is your strategy for--"
"..."
"..."
"Governor Perry?"
"Governor Perry?"
"..."
"..."
(sighs) "What's troubling you, sir?"
(sighs) "What's troubling you, sir?"
"I'm just so dang mad that Herman's gone. He was my only friend in that GD race."
"I'm just so dang mad that Herman's gone. He was my only friend in that GD race."
"Really?"
"Really?"
"Oh, so ol' Ricky can't have any friends now, huh? You guys kick me in the chaps over every other little thing, so I guess it makes sense that you'd think you can tell me who I can and can't be friends with, right?"
"Oh, so ol' Ricky can't have any friends now, huh? You guys kick me in the chaps over every other little thing, so I guess it makes sense that you'd think you can tell me who I can and can't be friends with, right?"
"No, sir, it's just that--"
"No, sir, it's just that--"
"YOU'RE NOT MY MAMA!"
"YOU'RE NOT MY MAMA!"
(soothing) "Governor."
(soothing) "Governor."
"Ah, hell. I'm sorry, boys."
"Ah, hell. I'm sorry, boys."
"It's OK, champ. Why don't you tell us about Mr. Cain, huh? That might make you feel better."
"It's OK, champ. Why don't you tell us about Mr. Cain, huh? That might make you feel better."
(blinking back tears) "Oh, OK." (long sigh)
(blinking back tears) "Oh, OK." (long sigh)
"So ... um ... you guys were friends?"
"So ... um ... you guys were friends?"
"Oh my god! The BEST friends! It was like Lethal Weapon! Well, like Lethal Weapon 2 or 3. Not the first one, because Riggs and Murtaugh weren't really friends yet, and not the fourth one, because I didn't see it."
"Oh my god! The BEST friends! It was like Lethal Weapon! Well, like Lethal Weapon 2 or 3. Not the first one, because Riggs and Murtaugh weren't really friends yet, and not the fourth one, because I didn't see it."
"We used to hit the clubs after the debates. Me, Hermy, Trump would jet in every once in a while. Damn. Ol' Herman, he could raise some Cain."
"We used to hit the clubs after the debates. Me, Hermy, Trump would jet in every once in a while. Damn. Ol' Herman, he could raise some Cain."
(stares blankly for 10 seconds)
(stares blankly for 10 seconds)
"Huh? Come on! Don't leave me hanging here."
"Huh? Come on! Don't leave me hanging here."
"Anyway, there was this one night out in ... in ... I can't remember now. But Herman, boy, he was on his game that night. He was talking to this girl..."
"Anyway, there was this one night out in ... in ... I can't remember now. But Herman, boy, he was on his game that night. He was talking to this girl..."
"... she had the biggest, uh, um, the biggest ..."
"... she had the biggest, uh, um, the biggest ..."
" ... uhhhh ... "
" ... uhhhh ... "
"Let's just say she was full of patriotism."
"Let's just say she was full of patriotism."
"And that guy could dance. Man! He even taught me a thing or two. Check this out."
"And that guy could dance. Man! He even taught me a thing or two. Check this out."
(makes robot sounds)
(makes robot sounds)
(more robot sounds and some grunting)
(more robot sounds and some grunting)
"And then I go straight from that right into this..."
"And then I go straight from that right into this..."
"THE ROOF! THE ROOF! THE ROOF IS ON FIRE! WE DON"T NEED NO WATER LET THAT MOTHERTRUCKER BURN! WOOOOO!"
"THE ROOF! THE ROOF! THE ROOF IS ON FIRE! WE DON"T NEED NO WATER LET THAT MOTHERTRUCKER BURN! WOOOOO!"
"Ah, come on, Rick. You know he taught us both those moves."
"Ah, come on, Rick. You know he taught us both those moves."
(robot sounds that actually sound more like a calculator)
(robot sounds that actually sound more like a calculator)
"Oh no you didn't."
"Oh no you didn't."
"You see what I have to put up with?"
"You see what I have to put up with?"
"Ah, hell, let's get out of here. BEER ME, CHUCK NORRIS.""
"Ah, hell, let's get out of here. BEER ME, CHUCK NORRIS."
"Ha, you got it, Ricky! One tall glass of Chard coming right up."
"Ha, you got it, Ricky! One tall glass of Chard coming right up."
"Sweet. Griff! How we coming with those special pizzas?"
"Sweet. Griff! How we coming with those special pizzas?"
"All done, Dad."
"All done, Dad."
(oven opens)
(oven opens)
"DRRLISSHUSS."
"DRRLISSHUSS."

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