Stephen King Does the Majestic

We sent D Magazine intern Carol Shih, a Dreamcatcher fan, to see the man who caused a visceral fear of aliens climbing out of toilet seats during her formative years. Her report:

Hail to the King
By Carol Shih

Rarely does Stephen King make appearances at charity events, but lo and behold, the horror writer decided to grace Dallas fans with “A Conversation with Stephen King” at the Majestic Theatre last night. This benefit for the Sixth Floor Museum gave those who shelled out extra green the chance to drink cheap glasses of wine and rub shoulders with the King himself at a 6 o’clock reception. Afterward, DMN columnist Lee Cullum led King in an hour-long conversation over his latest novel, 11/22/63, in which an average English teacher uses a time machine to prevent the Kennedy assassination. Why does this plot sound familiar? Oh, right, it’s been done before. But instead of going on and on about the origins of King’s novel, here are some highlights from the slick King’s talk:

“1 in every 50 people — when they come to an event like this — forget to lock their car,” King said. I wonder if Stephen has magical powers that helped him publish every year for the last 35 years, and perhaps he was using said powers to distract us while stealing our cars. Anyone know if there were missing cars reported?

King called Oswald “a little shit, basically” because Oswald refused to pay his wife’s hospital bill, but humanized him anyway in 11/22/63. Aww, how nice of King. This guy’s got a heart of gold.

“What is your opinion of the DMN? Keep in mind that I am associated with the paper,” Cullum asked. “Oh yes, I think it’s an excellent paper! I think all the media in Dallas is just A-Okay with me,” King responded. We’re certain if Tim Rogers had been conducting the interview, D would’ve gotten a real shout-out. Instead, we’ll consider this comment the only King thing we didn’t like.

Cullum asked, “Why Batman over Superman?” King replied, “How boring is Superman? I’ve always wondered how he has sex. And when Superman goes to the bathroom, is that like the ‘poop of steel’? These questions don’t come up with Batman.” Yessssss, King. Pound it.

“[Dallas] hasn’t been anything but terrific to me. Something that we’ve noticed here is that you change lanes when you signal,” King said. I guess you haven’t seen the little snots who cut me off every morning, Stephen. That’s alright, though. You love Dallas and Dallas sure loves you back.

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