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Politics & Government

Rick Perry Suffers a Traumatic Setback

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"Governor Perry, it's been an, um, interesting week for you. Obviously, the first thing we should address is the moment during the debate when you --"
"Governor Perry, it's been an, um, interesting week for you. Obviously, the first thing we should address is the moment during the debate when you --"
"..."
"..."
"Governor Perry?"
"Governor Perry?"
"..."
"..."
"Jerry, hold on. Let me try. Governor Perry? Rick? Hey, champ. Hey, hey, look, it's going to be OK. Come on, buddy. Where's that big-boy smile, huh?"
"Jerry, hold on. Let me try. Governor Perry? Rick? (soothing) Heyyyy, champ. Look, it's going to be OK. Come on, buddy. Where's that big-boy smile, huh?"
(muttering) "Stupid people.”
(muttering) "Stupid people.”
(still soothing) "Yeah, I know, buddy, stupid people, making fun of you for one little mistake. It wasn't your fault that--"
(still soothing) "Yeah, I know, buddy, stupid people, making fun of you for one little mistake. It wasn't your fault that--"
"Jesus Arthur Christmas, Conrad! I'm not talking about the GD campaign. I gave up on that when I was trying to remember the daggum third agency and all I could think about was the drum part in 'In the Air Tonight.' Come on, man. Use your dang brain."
"Jesus Arthur Christmas, Conrad! I'm not talking about the GD campaign. I gave up on that when I was trying to remember that dadgum third agency and all that was coming up was the drum part in 'In the Air Tonight.' Come on, man. Use your dang brain."
"Have you seen the cover of this week's People?!"
"HAVE YOU SEEN THE COVER OF THIS WEEK'S PEOPLE?!"

PEOPLE

"Are you friggin' kidding me? The gay guy from Wet Hot American Summer? Wooooo, yeah, that guy is sooo hot." (makes wanking motion)"
"Are you friggin' kidding me? The gay guy from Wet Hot American Summer? (sarcastic) Wooooo, yeah, that guy is sooo hot." (makes wanking motion)"
"Wet Hot American Summer? You've actually seen that? I guess I would have had you pegged more as a He's Just Not That Into You guy."
"Wet Hot American Summer? You've actually seen that? I guess I would have had you pegged more as a He's Just Not That Into You guy."
"I like 'em both!"
"I like 'em both!"
"Anyway, what was I saying? Oh! Bradley Cooper? COME ON. What does ol' Ricky gotta do to get some love out here?"
"Anyway, what was I saying? Oh! Bradley Cooper? COME ON. What does ol' Ricky gotta do to get some love out here?"
"I mean, you've all seen the money maker, right? It's like a freshly mown lawn. I CAN'T EVEN GET A COMB THROUGH IT."
"I mean, you've all seen the money maker, right? It's like a freshly mown lawn. I CAN'T EVEN GET A COMB THROUGH IT. And check this out..."
"..."
"..."
"I thought I had this thing by the shorts, man. By the double GD dang shorts."
"I thought I had this thing by the shorts, man. By the double GD dang shorts."
"I mean, hell, I was hoping I'd end up president. But I figured if that didn't work out, I'd just wait another four years, or get a show on FOX or something. But Sexiest Man Alive? I only got the goods for another year or two, max. My Shake Weight ain't made of magic."
"I mean, hell, I was hoping I'd end up president. But I figured if that didn't work out, I'd just wait another four years, or get a show on FOX or something. But Sexiest Man Alive? I only got the goods for another year or two, max. My Shake Weight ain't made of magic."
"Governor Perry, if I may." (brings laptop to the podium)
"Governor Perry, if I may." (brings laptop to the podium)

"..."
"..."
"Did it just get warm in here?"
"Did it just get warm in here?"
The Fake Rick Perry

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