Monday, January 17, 2022 Jan 17, 2022
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Politics & Government

Rick Perry Talks About Texas A&M’s Move to the SEC

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Rick Perry Talks About Texas A&M’s Move to the SEC

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Full transcript follows.

"Governor Perry, I was hoping you could elaborate on the timing of your announceme--"
"Governor Perry, I was hoping you could comment on Texas A&M's potential move to the SEC and how you think it will affe--"
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
"Sir, if you could maybe put the gun away for a moment, maybe we could--"
"Governor Perry, PLEASE, sir, if you could just spea--"
"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
"Governor, please, if we could just get back to--"
"Maybe we should try a different approach. Let's see. Governor! Coyote!"
"PEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEW!!!!!!"
"PEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEWPEW!!!!!!"
"..."
"Wow. He's really in the zone today. Hm, let's see. Governor Perry! Mitt Romney!"
"Fine, I'll give up them these guns, but those fools will never guess I'm still fully strapped with my other guns."
"BRING THE INFIDEL TO ME!"
"GOVERNOR PERRY, please if we could just -- wait, is that a grenade launcher? OK, OK, that's irrelevant, sorry. Sir, I think we have to insist that you put the guns away for at least a few moments."
"Oh good, you put the gun away. Now, Governor Perry, if you could PLEASE talk about A&M's move to--"
"TAKE THAT YOU STUPID COYOTE!!!"
"I SAID BRING ME THE GODLESS INFIDEL ROMNEY AND HIS SOCIALIST HAIRCARE PACKAGE!!!"
Larry McMurtry IMG_6027[11]
"Holy s--t! Is that a GD grenade launcher? What on earth? Rick, they were joking. Lord."
"TAKE THAT YOU STUPID COYOTE!!!"
"INDEED IT IS A GRENADE LAUNCHER, GHOST OF LARRY MCMURTRY. NOW, ROMNEY. PRODUCE HIM!!!"
"Sire, you said that into the microphone that is literally right in front of your face."
"Governor. GOVERNOR. Snap out of it. Governor Perry!" (slaps him hard across the face)
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Wha--? What happened? Where am I?"
"Sire, you said that into the microphone that is literally right in front of your face."
"You are in a press conference, sir. We were asking you about Texas A&M joining the SEC. You, uh, sir, you seemed to have fallen in love with your guns again, and maybe thought you were hunting Mitt Romney."
"This whole thing is stupid, anyway."
"Aw, fiddlesticks, I told you boys not to wake me up when I was in my Mitt blind. I TOLD YOU. Okay, fine. I guess since I'm here I'll answer a few questions."
anotherreporter
Oh, that would be fantastic. Thank you, sir. As we were saying, Governor Perry, what are your thoughts on A&M leaving the Big 12 for--"
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"