Thursday, May 26, 2022 May 26, 2022
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What Irritating Item Should I Post To Irritate People?

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Should I post a hypothetical? Those seem to bother people. Especially the hypotheticals where, almost from the beginning, there is a very clear answer, making it not so much a hypothetical as just a really dumb question. Or the hypotheticals where it’s obvious that I was just writing and writing and, at some point, either due to boredom or some small concession to my small audience, I simply gave up and awkwardly posed a question that had almost nothing to do with the previous 500 words.

Or …

I could post something “funny,” like that Glenn Beck thing. Which prompted most people either to comment with the verbal equivalent of the wanking motion/sarcastic slow clap, or just outright attack me for wasting their time. That is one of the arrows in my quiver, for sure.

Or. Oh! Or I could take a relatively innocuous news story and spin some half-baked fiction out of it, like when the Mayor of Handtown broke his rib and I came up with a story about how he’d accidentally killed a guy in his office. Then when that seemed to exasperate people, I wrote another installment, then another, then another, until even I was tired of me.

Another option: link to a story I obviously have not read, but comment on it anyway, then when I get called out on it, bicker in the comments, even with colleagues, until I give in and apologize in the comments. A classic I have neglected for far too long.

I could post a random question, although, for some reason, those are always interpreted as me picking a fight with people. To be fair, one of the first was, “Do you think you could take me in a fight?” so I sort of understand the confusion. Or I could (badly) mimic a local notable for no good reason, or, even more pointlessly, write in the “voice” of an inanimate object. I like writing as if I were a suddenly sentient high rise. It makes me happy.

I don’t know. None of those feel right today. Not even using using FrontBurner as a place for my Facebook status updates. Maybe I’m punchy from the heat.

Hm. How could I waste everyone’s time? Or should? Could or should? I guess they both would work here. Or what about would? That also don’t feel completely wrong. Could/should/would? Maybe I just use all three, put it in your hands. OK. Re-rack. How could/should/would I waste everyone’s time?