Dear Mayor Leppert,
Hey, Zac Crain here. You may remember me from that time you pretended to remember me, then actually remembered me, but were really remembering someone else. No big deal. There were a lot of bearded magazine editors in that mayoral campaign, who were later bounced off the ballot for — you know what? It’s in the past. Whatever. It got confusing.
So. Your Twitter feed. Sir — can I call you sir? — your tweets are bo-ring. Or, if you prefer, borrrrrrrring. You posted a handful of times in November. Here are two of them:
If you and your loved ones travel this holiday week, my family and I wish you a safe and happy journey.
and
Thank you to all of our heroes in uniform, both past and present.
Come on, now. How about, “Does anyone here like the Beatles?” or “I hope everyone likes breathing air as much as I do.” Lord. I’m not asking you to be Newark Mayor Cory Booker, who is tweeting about digging people out of snowstorms and pledging to lose 40 pounds. That would require, you know, doing those things. I’m not even really asking you to throw up crazy quotes from Carolyn Davis. (Except, you should know that I AM ASKING YOU TO DO THAT.) Just, I don’t know, liven it up a bit. Behind the scenes Twitpics of Chris Heinbaugh carrying out your bidding or something. I’m not saying join Instagram or whatever, but if you’ve got a Twitter account, you might as well use it.
I am second,
Zac
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