Dwaine Caraway, Arthur, and Archie

I know Mayor Pro Tem Dwaine Caraway made his statement yesterday, admitted he lied to the DMN about why cops were called to his house, and said, “That’s the end of all of this with me. That’s my statement. There’s not going to be anything else. No more questions, no more nothing.” But I have a question. How do you diagram the following sentence, which came from his statement?

“Those of you in this audience that are married, those of you that are listening that are married, if you’ve not always wanted eggs and bacon and some of you may have wanted something else, but you didn’t get it and that’s just what marriage is all about.”

That’s the way marriage go?


  • Vinnie Venn

    Councilman Caraway has obviously been doomed for some time to a humdrum marital diet of eggs and bacon, bacon and eggs, perhaps the occasional egg, then a slice of bacon, then – surprise! – another egg when, like all good men, he may have been yearning for something more, maybe a lighter, more easily tossed off protein smoothie, for example, or perhaps something darker and naughtier, smooth, brown pancakes with just a hint of dark chocolate sauce.

    Sorry, Dwayne. As the commercial lyrics to the 1963 hit “I’m a Woman” clearly spell out

    “I can bring home the bacon,
    Fry it up in a pan.”

    Contractually, as long as she brings home the bacon, then it’s just going to be bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, and bacon, dude.

    And eggs. Yeah, a few eggs.

  • J

    I can’t wait for this guy to run for/become mayor.

    Better than a sitcom I tell ya…

    Getcha popcorn ready.

  • TLS

    Who is John Galt?

  • Daniel

    So now he tells me what marriage is all about. And here all this time I thought it was about bitter recriminations and alcohol abuse!

  • Is Jughead’s real name Arthur? Were Betty and Veronica involved too?_

  • Grumpy Demo

    I think Don Hill 2.O may need a system reboot.

  • Granny

    Please don’t print any more of his inane statements. Reading them makes my eyes bleed.

  • Tey

    Honestly? He’s in charge of stuff?

  • Frank wright

    So they call it “eggs and bacon” around the caraway house? Haven’t heard that euphemism before.

  • Shanna

    Did his wife catch him sneaking the sausage on the side? Does he have a frying pan imprint on the side of his head?

  • what a clown

    What’s that noise I hear? Oh yeah it’s my bullshit alarm going crazy.

    So either we have a case of domestic violence if Dwaine and his wife were fighting or he is obstructing justice by refusing to name “Arthur and Archie” (if in fact they exist.) Or filing a false police report.

    Why am I sure that a regular Joe Blow dialing 911 would have gone to jail here? ‘Cause he sure wouldn’t have had the chief’s personal phone number. IJS