Amy Turner Got Punched in the Face

I’m coming to this a little late, but the Aspen Daily News is reporting that Amy Turner (she of the wealthy Turner clan whose paterfamilias made his bones distributing Dr Pepper) got clocked pretty good New Year’s Eve by a Boston woman at a fancy private club called Caribou. The Aspen Daily News has some writers on staff who are apparently auditioning to work at the Onion. To wit:

“According to the police report, a bouncer at the Caribou told responding officers that he witnessed Lopez throw approximately ’10 haymakers’ at Turner when he went to break up a fight outside the ladies’ room. A haymaker is a type of punch, or a wild swing using all the person’s might.”