1. I didn’t even get past the headline and photo on this one before I got angry. A guy tried to buy some rims for his car. But when he got to the place, a gun was put in his mouth, his money was stolen, his car was stolen, and his dog, Impala, was stolen. Although I think people who steal pets are the scum of the Earth, I also think this guy had some warning signs: 1. He found the rims on Craigslist; 2. He knowingly took his dog with him to an area that “has a lot of dog fighting.” Regardless, I feel for him. Let’s find his dog.
2. Remember that time mom took you on a shopping trip and while she perused the aisles “trying on” clothes, you sat there and looked all cute and innocent? Well, she was using you as a decoy. Next time, be just a little bit cuter.
3. I know you’d like to hear about how bully bikers avoided prosecution and how a woman tried to shoot a cop thinking he was a robber, but I’ve got breaking news: pecan prices are rising. And now you know.