Southlake Successfully Drives Away Feral Hogs, Though Wild Pigs Continue to Attack Lawns

Comes news that Twin Peaks‘ provocatively clad waitresses won’t be setting up shop in the conservative, affluent suburb. Instead owner Randy DeWitt has invented a new concept – a family-friendly sports bar called Red Dog Right.

Meanwhile, Texas Agriculture Commissioner Todd Staples has declared October “Hog Out Month: Get The Hog Outta Texas!” because of the wild creatures eating the lush lawns of Southlake’s rich Republicans.