New Study Ranks the Worst Dallas Streets

Given that the city is eliminating routine road maintenance from the new budget, it is extremely timely that I happened upon a new study that ranks the conditions of Dallas streets, from worst to best. The findings are after the jump.

1. ALL OF THEM (tie)*

*I probably should have pointed out that this survey was compiled by me, and was compounded by irritation at constantly having to monkey with my tires because of the potholes and cracks in the road and so on. I will allow that this, in fact, colored the results. That said, the above information is 100-percent verifiable and absolutely unassailable. If you disagree with me, I will shout you down in the comments with the reflexive, generally uninformed fury of 1 million Tea Partiers. If you try to pick on me for the preceding statement (you know, about the Tea Party folks and whatnot), I will turn our comments section into an internet-based version of The Ring, and anyone who tries to comment will be haunted and driven to madness within 48 hours after trying to post a comment. If you didn’t like my joke about The Ring and find it, at best, a dated reference, I will come to your house and have an extremely long, detailed discussion about certain plot points from a mediocre TV show you have not seen, nor do you have plans to. This is extremely irritating, as you can probably gather. If you disagree with my theory about how annoying someone exhaustively talking about a TV show you care nothing about is, you are sitting right behind me, and your name is Tim Rogers.