Saturday, December 10, 2022 Dec 10, 2022
63° F Dallas, TX

Bad Places to Try to Steal Something: Down the Street From Police HQ

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Apparently, at 5 a.m. this morn, three enterprising burglars tried to make off with the ATM at Gilley’s, which, if you are at all familiar with the Cedars area, is about a block or so away from Jack Evans Police Headquarters. They didn’t succeed, because the alarm went off and — surprise surprise — some cops showed up. They didn’t catch the perpetrators, but still. Here, then, is a clip-and-save guide of other places to avoid, for all would-be bandits out there.

– The 7-Eleven at Garland Road and Tavaros (seriously, it’s like a DPD substation)*
– Trey Garrison’s secret bunker/propaganda laboratory
– donut shops (cliche, I know, but I just want you guys to be careful)
– anything actually on the premises of Jack Evans Police Headquarters
– the moon (impractical)
– Blockbuster HQ (definitely no money there)

*I know it’s been robbed before. Just wanted to make that point.