Please, Will Someone Just Give Willis Willis His Money Back? COME ON.

Or not. Because then I won’t be able to see stories that start like this:

Willis Willis has an idea how he can get his money back from the store clerk who authorities say stole his $1 million winning lottery ticket.

“Just get me in a room with him for two minutes,” says the 67-year-old Navy veteran.

Or end like this:

Willis told reporters that he is willing to be patient. If it takes a year, he won’t give up, he said.

He also won’t stop playing the lottery. In fact, he bought five Mega Millions tickets Tuesday, he said.

“See if I can pull one more rabbit out of a hat,” he said.