On Wednesday, I will turn [redacted] years old. I’m very old. You know what old people like to do? Look back. In my case, I wanted to go way back–to Medieval Times. And so, a few merry maidens and one princely soul accompanied me there last Saturday night. Never been? I hadn’t either. It’s magical. This is a place where lords and ladies enjoy motley menus–tomato soup, garlic bread, a chicken leg, and rib–sans silverware. It’s a little piece of paradise where the Pepsi flows like champagne, and despite the fear of lice and germs, the general public dons headbands and costumes without question. And you know what? It was fabulous. Jump for a few of my favorite things.
First of all, to do things right, you’re probably going to spend a lot of florins at this joint. My party of six began with our royal portrait. Please note that the photographer finds no part of his job amusing. Don’t attempt to take pictures in the green-screen area. Don’t even think about trying to wear your crown a bit askew. He’s in no mood for your funny business. Oh. And after three attempts this was what he claimed was our best photo. Look at it. It’s terrible. My theory: our uninvited jokes led to this punishment.
I really didn’t know what to expect with regard to the joust, but it’s a big production. Lots of actors, stunts, animals–unbelievable. The whole place goes nuts–cheering and waving flags ($1 each) for their assigned knight. And not to get all Garden State on you, but, yeah, the boys who work there are cute. Surprisingly so. We spoke to the “black-and-white” knight for a spell, and he has worked at Medieval Times for eight years. Eight years? Aren’t you dying to know what kind of money a knight makes? I am, but I was too busy pretending to kiss a suit of armor for a future Facebook profile pic to ask personal questions.
One more thing: the place was packed with people of all ages. Our attempt to go to an earlier show failed because it was sold out. People love them some Medieval Times. Even in a bad economy, apparently.
If you’re having a birthday, you can get a break if you go here to register. And if you take a trip to the smoking porch, tell the falconer to keep his chin up–things will get better eventually. After all, he works at the greatest place ever!