1. An Irving City Council member wants an investigation into the Dallas Cowboys practice facility collapse. That’s important news, but it’s not what’s really on my mind this morning.
2. More signs are being added to tell folks, “Hey, you’re going the wrong way on the Dallas North Tollway. Please go the other way now.” That, too, seems like the sort of item that would get me a’pontificatin’, but I’ve got something else bugging me this morning.
3. No, what I’d like to discuss is that Southwest Airlines has ordered the inspection of about 200 planes. Why? Well, I’m glad you asked. You see, it appears that, during mid-flight, a FOOTBALL-SIZED HOLE OPENED UP IN THE PLANE! Do you know how big that is? That means you could THROW A FREAKING FOOTBALL THROUGH IT! People could SEE THE SKY! I’m about to lose my water just typing this. Have you seen the opening scene of Lost? Do you know how girl-like my shriek would have been if a FOOTBALL-SIZED HOLE “opened up” during my flight? (Which, btw, made “the loudest roar I’d ever heard,” according to the poor dude whose seat was RIGHT BENEATH THE FOOTBALL-SIZED HOLE.) I just want to suggest that if a FOOTBALL-SIZED HOLE “opened up” RIGHT ABOVE ME on a flight, a fist-sized hole would immediately open in my sternum, because I would PULL OUT MY OWN HEART AND HURL IT AT THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT TO GET ME THE EFF OUT OF THERE!
That said, the plane landed safely, everyone applauded the pilot, and air travel is very safe.