T.O. Birthday Bash to Include Ludacris, Not Me

How do I know about Terrell Owens’ annual celeb-studded b-day celebration, scheduled for tonight at Glass Cactus? It could be because I surf his web page every day. But it’s not. But I do open email, and I was just sent an invite. How do I know Luda is schedculed to perform? Because the press release says he will, starting about midnight. (So if he no-shows, don’t yell at me, I’m just relaying the info.) More important, how do I know I won’t also be a surprise guest? Because, unless I can borrow Zac’s wormhole, I will have been asleep for about three hours at that point. But you’re welcome to go. Tickets can be purchased here. Proceeds benefit T.O.’s charity. And, in a delightful irony, the 10 percent discount code when you order tickets online is ROMO. … Wait. Just re-read that. Sorry. It’s PROMO. So close.