Jerry Jones on the Human Anatomy

Best I can tell, Tim McMahon is the only one who heard Jerry Jones say this last night (though Mike Fisher has commented on it):

“Think of the anatomy. Brains, eyes, ears, nose. You know there’s got to be some [sphincters] over here to have the whole anatomy. My point is this team is made up of that. By golly, when you start picking that part out and saying, ‘They don’t have a team,’ you’re missing the point.”

That’s the way McMahon wrote it, using the bracketed “sphincters.” Assuming the word Jones uttered was actually “assholes,” let’s parse that, shall we?

First: “You know there’s got to be some assholes over here …” I’m trying to think of an organism that has two or more assholes. I know cows have four stomachs, but they still have only one end to their alimentary canal.

Next: “[T]his team is made up of that.” The entire team is made up of assholes? To extend the metaphor, that would be one crazy-ass animal. Literally. And if you’re just talking about a football team, that would be a tough team to coach.

Is there any question that Jerry Jones is the best owner in professional sports? Before you answer, recall that he has some unusual anatomy himself. By his own admission, the man’s butt is filled with fire.

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Comments

10 responses to “Jerry Jones on the Human Anatomy”

  1. DGirl says:

    Which makes Jerry a flaming asshole, does it not?

  2. The Other RLS says:

    Once again, like Wick’s use of s-h-i-t in his post, which is an impermissible word in the comments section, Tim uses a-s-s-h-o-l-e in his post and won’t let us use the same word in the comments.

    It’s apparently like our parents smoking dope — because it’s alright when they do it because they know how to handle it — but telling us that we are forbidden from doing the same.

  3. Tim Rogers says:

    @The Other RLS: Problem is, some of our kids behave like responsible adults. But others act like assholes.

  4. Puddin'Tane says:

    The question is: a sphincter says…?

  5. The Other RLS says:

    @Tim: Another option is that you simply stop using terms that are forbidden to us, thereby showing some modicum of respect to the responsible adults on this blog.

  6. JS says:

    Geez, give it a rest.
    Son to Mom: “Mom, it’s not fair that he can use bad words but I can’t.”
    Mom to Son: “Shut the hell up.”

  7. Now You've Started It says:

    TORLS to JS: Blow me.

  8. Bethany says:

    Don’t make me pull this thread over and come back there.

  9. Daniel says:

    Also, brains. No animal has two brains. Hell, some animals only have a hippocampus, which means they’re basically rocks saddled with the additional burden of finding food. But you have to have a cerebral cortex to be an asshole. This team is made up of that.