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Sports News

Jerry Jones on the Human Anatomy

By Tim Rogers |

Best I can tell, Tim McMahon is the only one who heard Jerry Jones say this last night (though Mike Fisher has commented on it):

“Think of the anatomy. Brains, eyes, ears, nose. You know there’s got to be some [sphincters] over here to have the whole anatomy. My point is this team is made up of that. By golly, when you start picking that part out and saying, ‘They don’t have a team,’ you’re missing the point.”

That’s the way McMahon wrote it, using the bracketed “sphincters.” Assuming the word Jones uttered was actually “assholes,” let’s parse that, shall we?

First: “You know there’s got to be some assholes over here …” I’m trying to think of an organism that has two or more assholes. I know cows have four stomachs, but they still have only one end to their alimentary canal.

Next: “[T]his team is made up of that.” The entire team is made up of assholes? To extend the metaphor, that would be one crazy-ass animal. Literally. And if you’re just talking about a football team, that would be a tough team to coach.

Is there any question that Jerry Jones is the best owner in professional sports? Before you answer, recall that he has some unusual anatomy himself. By his own admission, the man’s butt is filled with fire.

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