Open Letter to the Owner of This Lamborghini

Dear Lamborghini Owner: You have a totally badass ride. There is no doubt. But when you chose to occupy TWO spots in the parking lot of the Old Monk this afternoon, you proved you’re a bad, selfish human. I hate you. I know it’s not nice to hate. But I hate you.

Right now, I am sitting in the Old Monk, putting up this post, hating you. And the rest of the people at my table? They’re looking around the bar, trying to figure out who you are.

Is that you?

Comments

  • Tom

    A fellow customer at Back Yard Burgers with a large Suburban, with McCain and W the President stickers did the same at lunch today.
    My first thought was that he had a carload of co-workers and needed the extra space for them to exit the gas guzzler. But as I watched him leave, alas, he was lunching alone.
    Ah, city life.

  • Adam Smith

    Tim — That’s EXACTLY the reaction he’s looking for. Clearly the man craves attention, for some reason…and I think you know the reason.

  • DM

    what’s that little sign on the upper-right? Me thinks someone needs to call the number at the bottom of the sign.

  • It’s probably got an alarm, Tim. Try lifting the door handle.

  • Rawlins Gilliland

    Small feet and hands, big car?

  • drew

    If you yell out that someone just backed into an orange Lamborghini, it might make identifying the owner easier.

  • B

    *chuckle* – Drew is right!

    And It’s such a tiiiiiny car. The owner going to get squished the first time he takes it up Central. And speaking of Central, what good is a speedy car in Dallas if all you can do is dream about being Speed Racer?

  • Randy Brown

    Just get Bethany to pee his upholstery.

  • Tim, it’s a girl. The car. So chances are a girl or someone who thinks like one drives it.

    How do I know that you ask?

    You ever see a butt like that on a boy?

  • With enough beer, I’m completely capable of that.

    However, I’ve got other plans tonight.

  • Adam Smith

    You mean, he’s a she? Whoa! Now I feel like Dave Stewart.

  • publicnewsense

    I’d like to apologize. The sonar is malajusted and guided my autopark system incorrectly. I’m at the 3rd table over. Stop by and I’ll let you buy me a mellow soda and take the Screaming Mimi for a ride. I love boys who speak up. Sincerely,
    Britney

  • IttyBittyWussy

    His name is Benny Black and it rents for 2200/day.

  • Jason

    I would have keyed the car.

  • George DeJohn

    have you ever thought about it?

  • Tony

    Free James Andrew Jeppe! He would know how to deal with this.

  • m2thej

    the same sweet bright pumpkin orange Lamborghini cruises through uptown at high speeds frequently. has made me consider what kind of fire sale the owner attended and thought, WOW, what a sweet car. I’d rather drive a Honda Fit, and those are just as ugly as this car but i imagine get better gas mileage and lower insurance rates…

  • Nancy Nichols

    Dean Tailor

  • Little Miss Haughty

    Ah give the guy a break! It must have been a tad windy when he pulled in and he didn’t want to damage all the work he’d put into his comb over with all that hairspray. His members only jacket (epoulettes et al) would TOTALLY lose it’s effect with hair wonk!

  • Dean T

    Well I know this would smoke Timmy out.

    DT

  • GMOM

    Nuvo riche Cowboy player!! Revs it up all over Uptown. WHere are the Cops when you need them???

  • Drew

    A friend of mine said it was the guy who owns or manages the Lambo dealership in Plano. I’ve seen an orange one on the tollway a few times and the guy was doing at least 110mph or more each time.

  • Eric

    Now you know what you’ve gotta do here in this situation,Tim?

    You get right up next to that car in yours and you park so tightly next to him/her that they have to climb through the passenger side door to be able to get in it.

    Now of course this person wants attention and will come into the establishment screaming up a stink about “someone needs to move their car out of the way…”; they’ll do this also because they’re afraid to scratch their penis-mobile up.

    Then you just ignore them until they slink into their orange atrocity and slither away.

  • vipdallas

    that is so funny, that guy rented that car from Benny Black

  • Lam boreghini

    It could be Denis Boule…I cannot imagine him taking up two spaces