Jeez Lady; Didn’t Your Ma Teach You To Cover Your Mouth?

At a time when everyone’s being urged to stay healthy with a flu shot, a woman we’ll call Coughin’ Karen is doing everything she can to make you sick. A sixty-something housewife sort in slacks and a sweater, this grey-haired menace struck yesterday at the Bed Bath & Beyond store off Park Lane and North Central Expressway. For 20 minutes she threaded the aisles with a shopping cart, coughing and spitting and hacking so loud that everyone in the big store could hear her–and, here’s the rub, never once covering her mouth. Think of all the folks–from the patrons to the cashiers–that she might have infected, then all the family members they infected in turn. I mean, if they’re serious about this Holy War thing, Osama bin Laden and his boyz could learn a thing or two from Coughin’ Karen.


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28 responses to “Jeez Lady; Didn’t Your Ma Teach You To Cover Your Mouth?”

  1. Gwyon says:

    Is it possible to filter out posts by specific FrontBurner bloggers?

  2. amanda (the real one) says:

    It’s bird flu. Or crypto.

  3. Bethany says:

    Or both. Plus tuberculosis.

  4. Tom says:

    Maybe she’s a terrorist who has invaded “real America” with plans to spread her disease to innocent anti-Socialists.

  5. “Flu shots” — yeah, that’s what the government wants you to think they are.

    Two words: RFID injection

  6. Bethany says:

    Maybe it’s a tumor.

  7. billh says:

    “Put your hand o’er your mouth when you cough that’ll help the solution…”
    Respect yourself
    Respect yourself
    Respect yourself
    Respect yourself
    If you don’t respect yourself ain’t nobody gonna give a good cahoot
    Mavis Staples.

  8. drew says:

    Mavis Staples covered a Bruce Willis song?

  9. allison says:

    I bet she had been at home making a chicken taco salad and a utensil broke. She’d be stupid to cover her mouth and spread the e.coli and salmonella to her already infected nose and chest.

  10. N says:

    Reminds me of a ill-fated Tom Thumb trip 2-3 years ago. This man, possibly homeless, was wandering the aisles. It seemed like every time I went to a certain area, he would show up there and invade my personal space, like shoving his way in front of me to get something. He did this 5-6 times at least. Then he did it again, but as I passed by him, he coughed directly in my face…intentionally. Luckily the store manager was walking by, asking if I was doing alright. “You know, actually, I’m not. That man over there has been harassing other customers, including myself. And just now he coughed in my face.”

    Now I’m not a complainer, but in this case, I had to make an exception.

  11. Puddin'Tane says:

    It’s gonna look really funny when I go back to BB&B wearing rubber gloves, a mask and spraying down the cart with Lysol.

    Or perhaps I’ll just choose another store…

  12. chandler says:

    We don’t get a picture or anything? Golly this sure was an interesting story.

    “What you don’t know about public places that might land you in the hospital. We’ll tell you what, after the break.”

  13. Don in Austin says:

    In light of recent political discourse, shouldn’t she be Karen the cougher?

  14. Drew says:

    I can sum it up in one word: MANNERS

  15. AllieF says:

    Health experts actually don’t recommend covering your mouth when you sneeze or cough anymore. They advise you to cough/sneeze into your sleeve. Seriously. ‘Cause when you cover your mouth with your hand, and then you put your paws all over stuff, guess where the germs go?

    I don’t actually do this because I prefer not to look like a freak in public and end up the target of a FrontBurner post … just thought I’d throw it out there.

  16. Puddin'Tane says:

    How about using a tissue instead??

  17. Bethany says:

    Does it have to be my sleeve, or can I use someone else’s? Also, what if I’m going sleeveless that day, or short sleeved?

  18. amanda (the real one) says:

    What if you are in a tank shirt? Or a stripper, I mean exotic dancer? What about gloves? Is there an if/then protocol for gloves?

  19. AllieF says:

    The tissue thing I find comical. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I don’t go around with a tissue in my hand just in case I might find the need to cough or sneeze. 😛

  20. Puddin'Tane says:

    Purse or pocket perhaps?

  21. allison says:

    Ask a little old lady for a tissue. My grandma hoards them in her purse like butter tubs in her kitchen cabinet.

  22. Candy Evans says:

    Hope she wasn’t spreading bedbugs.

  23. Daniel says:

    If you’re wearing a tank top, then sneeze into your pants. I mean, duh — it would look stupid to sneeze into your own nude elbow crook. Plus it would make a fart noise and you’d be a double-pariah.

  24. Beavis says:

    You said rub

  25. Bethany says:

    Daniel, thanks to you, I nearly decorated my laptop with chewed potato salad.

  26. Bethany says:

    *starts stopwatch*

  27. Jen says:

    I hear ya – I was at the gym recently, stuck on a treadmill next to a guy who was hacking and coughing away WITHOUT covering his mouth. And when I very politely asked him to at LEAST cover his mouth, he scowled at me and said very archly, “It’s not like I’m coughing ON you!” Then shook his head. Like *I* was the rude one!