Alibaster K. Abthernabther Is Badder Than Ever

When he got a column in Quick, something happened to him. I’m not saying he got un-funny. But certainly less funny. I don’t know whether that was because his editors made him tone it down or he started editing himself. No matter.

Read his latest blog post. I’m not ashamed to admit that I laughed so hard that it brought tears to my eyes. [standing, clapping, blotting with a tissue]


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33 responses to “Alibaster K. Abthernabther Is Badder Than Ever”

  1. DM says:

    Funny stuff indeed!

    Yeah, I don’t think the DMN is fond of the “F” word… well, probably only in staff meetings.

  2. amanda says:

    I had the same reaction. Excellent.

  3. Gadfly says:

    Having been brought up in the convent, so to speak, I don’t know what half of his swap suggestions mean. What does “reach-around” and “The Reverse Chicken Dinner” mean? It’s time for me to grow up and accept an adult position in this blogging world. Please enlighten me. I want to lose my innocence–sort of.

  4. Dr. Know says:

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read about a local story since Brad Bailey was freelancing for this magazine and others. I wet my pants. Thanks, Tim.

  5. TLS says:

    Gadfly: You can learn more terms than you ever knew existed at

  6. Gadfly says:

    Hey, I’ve been using the urban dictionary for quite some time. But I didn’t know that “those” kinds of things were defined in it. OK guys, I’m going to do some research. See y’all later.

  7. suzy says:

    I literally cannot breathe. Who knew sex could be so much fun?

  8. Bethany says:

    Is it bad that I knew what every term he mentioned was?

  9. DM says:

    @Suzy: That’s what she said

  10. Dr. Freud says:

    Hmmmm. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

  11. Becca says:

    I don’t know who I’m more proud of as a citizen of Dallas. Alibaster or the fine members of our Police Force. Either way, well done, Dallas!

  12. SB says:

    I wish my brain worked like his.

  13. Josh Pearson says:

    I just put up a post on Craig’s List looking for someone who needs a one month DART pass. Is that wrong?

  14. CJS says:

    I love a good reach-around

  15. Jersey says:

    Unreachable behind the content warning. The funny will have to remain the pleasure of a relative few. Alibaster must prefer it that way, discriminating consumer of audience that he is.

  16. Rawlins Gilliland says:

    You know we’re in a stagflationary spiral when it’s harder and harder (so to speak) to get laid but cheap sex is too expensive.

  17. Marcus says:

    Will someone see if Nancy Nichols wants to go on a cruise with me?

  18. The Other Marty Cortland says:

    I take issue with Alibaster’s liberal misconstruction of uniformly accepted terminology, however. Everyone knows that it’s a “reverse TURKEY dinner.”

  19. amandacobra says:

    So I guess under his system, carpooling to The Cherry Pit would not only be completely acceptable but also in keeping with the spirit of the evening?

  20. Gadfly says:

    Ohhhhh….my eyes! They hurt bad.

  21. Josh Pearson says:

    @ The Other Marty Cortland
    I had no idea that humans could be so unbelievably disgusting. Thanks for enlightening me. I must now go take a shower.

  22. What kind of shower Josh?

    And tell us slowly.

  23. Bethany says:

    Wait…do we want to know what Tim was dabbing with a tissue?

  24. drew says:

    Like Josh, I had never heard of that. I just wish they would have substituted the name of a food I don’t like…e.g., reverse vegetarian Thai dinner or something.

    I’m not so sure I’ll be able to enjoy Thanksgiving as much now.

  25. Bethany says:

    The Reverse Lima Bean Dinner.

  26. Gadfly says:

    Beets. Blood-red beets. Gag-awful beets.

  27. Towski says:

    I am now in favor of comment editing.

  28. Jay says:

    I find the day-to-day comments of most FBvians more entertaining that Alibaster. Maybe it’s his accent.

  29. Tim:

    You think Alibaster is so funny, and yet you edited out “yell into rectum” from my last column — even though the context clearly required it. I wonder how funny Alibaster would be if he had someone running amok with the red pen over his stuff. Not funny, that’s what.

  30. JimK says:

    Now this gives a whole new meaning to “Winner, winner, chicken dinner!”

  31. jrp says:

    i’ve always been partial to the Strawberry Shortcake myself

  32. ken says:

    I remember AKA first blogs. They were funny. But he ran out material. Then the posts morphed into rambling obscurities. They were flat-out-flatlined when Quick became the publisher/editor. Now’s he’s solo again and the first one has some palatable stuff inspired by, and his friend is plugging him on the blog.

    I’ll be a fan again when AKA is consistent and smart with the vulgarities.

    Good luck. I mean it.

  33. Puddin'Tane says:

    I take the day off from blogging and this is what I missed?

    Leave it to Fake Cortland to share insight into his sexual fantasies. (@@)

    Good Gawd Y’all!!