Slow News Day Question: What Would Constitute a “Dallas” Olympics?

I learned my lesson last time. No more tough guy posts. (For the record, it was more of an academic exercise.) So now: what events would constitute a Dallas-version of the Olympics? Like, say, a marathon consisting of trying to find a non-valet parking space on a Saturday night. Stuff like that. Keep it clean. Ish.


Get a weekly recap in your inbox every Sunday of our best stories from the week plus a primer for the days ahead.

Find It

Search our directories for...









View All

View All


24 responses to “Slow News Day Question: What Would Constitute a “Dallas” Olympics?”

  1. Nate says:

    Finding a non-valet parking isn’t too hard at times. Now expand it some…go to 5 different areas/neighborhoods for restaurants/bars throughout the night without having to pay for parking at all!!! To keep the playing field even, Victory Park, downtown along Main or Commerce, Uptown (along McKinney as the main road), and Knox/Henderson are your 4 main choices, plus 1 wild card neighborhood like Mockingbird Station or Lakewood. It is possible, just not very easy at all.

  2. T Sizzle or Fizzle says:

    I would say that it would be multiple events, like say a pentathlon, involve 1) drunk driving 2) living outside your means 3) knocking down an existing two-bedroom house to build a McMansion 4) insisting on watering a lawn of bermuda grass in a climate better suited for cactus 5) back-room political dealing

  3. drew says:

    Javelin throw with street sign poles. Each special interest group has a pole topped by a sign with their desired name change; whoever can throw their pole the farthest, that’s the name that gets chosen for the street.

  4. CJS says:

    How about a nice round of duck, duck, douche bag at local Uptown bars???

  5. allison says:

    Drive through Highland Park from end to end with expired stickers & not get stopped. They can smell you entering the zip code. (Ok, I admit that sounds little off.)

    Go out in Uptown and avoid all guys in a striped dress shirts and jeans. Kinda like avoiding the poles in skiing.

    Guess the true length of Tom Leppert’s fingers without going over.

  6. Bethany says:

    It wouldn’t be complete without a game of “Outrace the Pontiac of Justice.”

  7. allison says:

    …sounds *A* little off.

  8. TSE says:

    Concrete watering…who can produce the longest runoff.

  9. JB says:

    Notice how you never see those articles like “How to live in Dallas on a dollar a day” or something? I say just put 10 people in West Village apartments for a month with no cash and one of each: AMex, Mastercard and Visa. Then whomever has the best credit score after a month wins. Various events and awards during and for the month could be:
    1. Get the most goo-goo stares by the car you are driving.
    2. Most surgically altered.
    3. Highest tab any place along the Knox/Henderson area.
    4. Most non concealed gadgets on your person.
    5. Mckinney avenue Pub Crawl.
    6. Most picture apperances in and all local society pages.
    7. Best in Show.

  10. Justin says:

    The Pretentious Martini Mix: contestants make the most God awful cocktails around with either chocolate/mango/peach/ketchup and vodka, throw it in a martini glass and serve it at Ghost Bar.

    The BMW 3-Series Lease Sprint: the fastest 30K millionaire to secure a lease for a for a cheap Bimmer wins.

    Stripper Pole Ab Crunches: name says it all.

    Unscientific Street Renaming Poll Event: largest special interest group to game a stupid street renaming poll wins (See Trini Rivers Blvd).

  11. Matt says:

    D internship interviews using inverse rack size as a degree of difficulty

  12. Ana Moure says:

    Speed shopping in Neiman Marcus: who can spend more money in 5 minutes;
    Findind never surgically alteed woman over 40;
    Finding a natural blonde;
    Spot a Kia in Highland Park.

  13. mm says:

    Pontiac of Justice?

  14. Bill says:

    Thank you for reinforcing the point that Democrats don’t have a problem with adultery.

    It’s called character, Alice. Look into it.

    His wife is going to die, his kids will forever hate him, his political career is over.

    Pretty easy to figure out who the “retiree” is, he’s one of the biggest attorneys in Dallas. Hint. hint.

  15. allison says:

    Uh, wrong post.

  16. zac says:

    good work folks

  17. BoG says:

    “Thank you for reinforcing the point that Democrats don’t have a problem with adultery.”

    Yea, that’s what John McCain and Newt Gingrich keep on our minds every time they speak

  18. publicnewsense says:

    Olympic events:
    The DISD Backpedal
    The Dallas City Hall Plaza Artwork Soak (2 categories: Highest and Most Yellow)
    The Dallas Morning News Stock Drop
    The Crossing LBJ on Foot Relay
    The Ex-Mayor Disappearance Sprint
    The Sixth Floor Marksmanship Event
    The Pothole Jumping Marathon

  19. Mr Serious says:


    Park Cities

    How many can you hit in 1 hour?
    How many warnings from security guards?
    How many crazy stares from passing cars?
    DQ for police arrest.

  20. sarah says:

    * Name dropping the phrase “with my iPhone” in as many blog entries as possible.
    * Personal debt contest
    * douchebag sack race
    * Prius vs. Escalade demolition derby.
    * Most annoying business B.S.-er and loudest cell phone talker in Starbucks on Allen St. yesterday at 3:33 pm sitting next to the window where his douchebag-y voice reverberated throughout the store and interrupted my quiet reading… the bastard. OK, skip that one.
    * D-Cup jumproping – 2 minutes max

  21. Marcus says:

    Tammy Dombeck Bra Unhooking

  22. The Tow Mafia Avoidance Relay: Can you park in the Potbelly/Alo parking lot (Central & Armstrong) and pick up your Pei Wei and beat the Knox Park Tow Mafia back to your car. (Can’t be done)

    The Northpark Triathlon (under 30 minutes):

    * Survive you survive the Concentric Circles of Hell known as the Northpark parking deck lot as you try to find a space.

    *Spot a security guard in the Northpark Parking Lot after 9PM.

    *Get a parking spot anywhere at Northpark in less than 15 minutes.

    Central Expressway sanity test:

    Count the number of drivers doing 45 mph in the left lane vs. number of drivers entering the expressway at 35 mph.

  23. Dallasite says:

    Crackhead slalom: Walk from one end of downtown to the other, wearing a suit, while dodging the panhandlers. A point is deducted every time one hits you up for money. Ten points are deducted if you give him money.

    Industrial pole vault: You have to rename Industrial Blvd without offending somebody. (A perfect score is impossible)

  24. AS says:

    Does’t it start Monday? Restaurant Week.