Newfangled Police Scanner Leads To Dead Plano Shrubbery

This story about radio signals, sprinkler systems, and feuding suburbs has the makings of theater. To wit:

Cedar Hill, DeSoto, and Duncanville: “Hey, everybody. Check out our new, expensive police communication system. It’s mighty powerful. Why, I bet its radio signals could reach almost 30 miles away.”

Plano: “Hmm. Anyone around here have the instruction manual for our new, expensive sprinkler system? We spent $5 million on the thing and it aint’ working. Look at how dry those medians and city parks are.”

Cedar Hill, DeSoto, and Duncanville: “Even though we’re only in the testing phase, we can tell the $1.3 million we spent on our radio signals was worth it. We can’t wait to put it to use. Let’s activate it this month.”

Plano: “Seriously, it should work. The brochure said the specific radio signal would tell each sprinkler when to come on and for how long. What’s up?” [Pause] “Wait a sec. What if … Nah … Couldn’t be … But, maybe …”

[Time passes]

Plano: “Say Cedar Hill, DeSoto, and Duncanville, Do you mind not using your new, expensive police communications system? We think it’s interfering with our sprinklers. If not, we have to reprogram all 539 sprinkers by hand. It’ll cost about $250,000.”

Cedar Hill, DeSoto, and Duncanville: “Too bad. We like our system. And it’s important. Which comes first: Watering plants or protecting police and fire?” [That last line was a direct quote of Tim Smith, managing director of the Southwest Regional Communications Center.]

Plano: “Can’t we negotiate? Maybe you guys could delay your launch and give us time to make some upgrades?”

Cedar Hill, DeSoto, and Duncanville: “Umm, don’t think so.”

Plano: “That’s it. We’re telling the FCC on you guys.”

Cedar Hill, DeSoto, and Duncanville: “Fine, go ahead.”

Plano: “Fine. We will.”

To be continued…


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15 responses to “Newfangled Police Scanner Leads To Dead Plano Shrubbery”

  1. gs1s says:

    “Radio waves can travel for many miles, especially in the absence of any big obstacles like mountains, Mr. Smith said.”

    Ding ding!!! I think we’ve found our solution – a mountain range just inside of 635 to keep those nasty waves out of Plano.

  2. Obvious Man says:

    “Look in the manual under f*** up Zeke.”

  3. AnonyMouse says:

    Instead of a mountain, maybe the Plano folks could take a cue from their brethren in UP and build a wall just south of 190.

  4. AnonyMouse says:

    … or maybe Plano could just tell Cedar Hill, DeSoto and Duncanville: “Ni!”

  5. Just a little fatherly advice, maybe Plano should set their dying plants on fire and call the Cedar Hill, DeSoto and Duncanville Fire Departments to come put the fires out. DH, DS and D get to play with their radios and fire truck, while Plano’s plants get watered. Easy.

  6. El Rey says:

    That must be why my rain sensor on my sprinkler system only works half of the time…

  7. Marcus says:

    The folks at 95.3 The Range are breathing a sigh of relief that it was not their powerful signal causing the mishaps.

  8. JB says:

    I’m just wondering why I hear police chatter from my tooth and then my head starts to rotate slowly back and forth while mouth starts projectile salivate.

  9. Bill Marvel says:

    …and my garage door keeps opening

  10. DallasKink says:

    If you kids can’t get along, you’re both going to get a spanking.


  11. Daniel says:

    Plano should retalliate by sending out a signal so strong that all Duncanville police radios throb to the strains of “Love Rollercoaster” by the Ohio Players. Did you know that a lady was murdered in the next studio and you can hear her scream on the recording?

    That’d give them something to investigate. I mean, they’re police and stuff, right?

  12. OneArtDirector says:

    Well played, Daddy Claxton.

  13. Mike says:

    What does a police SCANNER have to do with this story?

  14. Paul says:

    Nothing at all. Casts even more of a pall of stupidity over the reporting of this fiasco.

  15. Tracey says:

    Sounds like a magazine trying to jump on the news reporting bandwagon. “Hey I saw this story on the television, I don’t what the heck they are talking about, but lets print it in our magazine so that everyone will know what complete idiots we are!” Hello…

    Honest scanner listeners have a hard enough time enjoying their hobby without articles like this coming along and completely destroying the facts. A scanner RECEIVES signals only. A transmitter TRANSMITS and receives signals.

    Wake up knuckleheads.