Gordon Keith Is Not Funny

Here’s a funny (but serious) explanation of why Gordon Keith is not funny. As in:

This is not necessarily Gordon Keith’s fault, as the massive popularity of “non-jokes” is undeniable. Non-jokes are seemingly harmless viruses that destroy true comedic workmanship and place all blame at the feet of the audience. If you fail to laugh at a non-joke, then it is your fault because you did not “get it.” The inherent problem with this is that without a proper set-up, turn, and punchline, there is nothing to get.

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Comments

47 responses to “Gordon Keith Is Not Funny”

  1. the long-time teacher says:

    Surely, Gordo wrote that.

  2. amanda says:

    Ummm, that kind of describes this blog. Daniel, I’m talking to you pal.

  3. mikedime says:

    Genius.

  4. publicnewsense says:

    Faux Hip and Practiced Droll don’t make funny. Ask Craig Kilborn.

  5. Eric Celeste says:

    Gordon, do you need me this week? What time is taping?

  6. Gordon Keith says:

    Hey, I never claimed to be funny. That’s why I started a blog about it.

    At the very least, I want to get people talking about things like “non-jokes” and what they mean to us, as people who can type.

    As the blog establishes, I think it is very interesting that I am allowed to exist in any medium. I consider it performance art, or “non art” if you will, that a favorite koan like “Why did the chicken cross the road? Jessica Simpson.” can make a name for myself that is worth covering in Frontburner, or Unfair Park, or even HuffPo (“Why the Democrats need Gordon Keith by Harry Shearer”).

    The important thing is that we are talking about Gordon Keith, or “non-talking” about Gordon Keith. His show appears on Channel 8 at 11:35pm or later on Saturday nights. Eric Celeste appears frequently.

    “Remember, non-laughing is laughing in negation, an omission of mirth that should be celebrated with laughter”- from the blog “Why Gordon Keith?”

  7. Gordon Keith says:

    And I am leaving the comments on.

  8. WhoCares says:

    Again, who cares about a local rank amateur that no one watches.

  9. Bethany says:

    If you pose a question, it should end in a question mark.

    And if you really didn’t care, you wouldn’t post. Gordon, answer this poor sap’s fan letter already, will you?

  10. Earlene says:

    I was going to type something really funny but then realized that I am the only one that thinks I am funny so decided against it. . .

  11. Gordon Keith says:

    Dear whocares,

    Thank you for you recent inquiry. However, I regret to inform you I don’t do 43rd birthday parties. I will however send to you my fan club “fun pack” complete with paste-on beard, bad hair wig and replica No Talent Club membership card.

    I hope this 8×10 glossy will suffice. It has the circular perforations for your convenience (use the smaller set).

    I was sorry to hear about the loss of your dog and the relationship you claim to have enjoyed with her. Such graphic detail!

    I have to go now. I must practice my droll routine and only pray I don’t fall and break my faux hip.

    Gordon Kilfirstborn

  12. Bethany says:

    Oh thank god. That bit of masturbatory fodder will keep him busy for a while, I should imagine. Thanks, Gordon.

  13. Gordon Keith says:

    and Bethany, I love you, baby.

  14. username818 says:

    That was a hilarious retort, Gordon Keith. However, I would argue that we should go further than simply talking, non-talking, or pseudo-non-quasi-talking about Gordon Keith. We should all be asking, “Why is Gordon Keith?”. The “is” is very important. Now I shall be the one to leave the comments on so you can make a decade old Bill Clinton joke about what the definition of “is” is.

  15. Bethany says:

    “is” is oral sex. Duh.

  16. Gordon Keith says:

    Most beloved Username818,

    You are correct. We should define non-is in order to bring into relief what “is” actually is. Only then will we come together as a people. which is hot.

    I am turing comments off for routine maintenance. Now they are back on.

    Gordon819

  17. Bethany says:

    Thanks, honey. Now quit hogging the covers.

  18. Bring It says:

    Gordon.

    Why are you up? You need to be on air in about 45 minutes.

    Or, like Ron Chapman, do you do the show from the safety and comfort of your manse?

  19. Gordon Keith says:

    Bethany,

    It is so fun posting comments to each other from our iPhones across the Tempur-Pedic.

    The Levitra is down, and guess what’s up?

    Gordon

  20. Doug in DFW says:

    So TV is not Gordo’s best medium? This is news? That’s the blog premise? The radio show’s fine but maybe the TV show just needs some dancing with the stars… like Celeste? I hope the Quick column escapes blogger wrath. Gordon has proven to be a good replacement for Erma Bombeck.

  21. Bethany says:

    I know. It’s blocking the TV.

  22. Bring It says:

    So if you follow the logic, the Levitra line is a “non-joke”, right?

  23. Gordon Keith says:

    Bring it,

    Yes, it is a non-joke. Analysts are looking at it right now to determine its exact meaning and depth. Personally, I don’t understand it. I am just a vehicle, like Tim’s Prius, except I am not as pretentious and filled with Wick’s dry cleaning.

    Gordon

  24. Got Ego says:

    Bring it: What is the “non-joke” is that Breathany and Flash Gordon Keith Richards non-stop blabbing. Welcome to the “We Can’t Get Enough of Ourselves” postings. You’ve heard the “Got Milk?” campaign. Now we have the “Got Ego?” campaign.

  25. Lone Ranger says:

    I knew Gordon Keith wasn’t funny. That shouldn’t even be a headline. News from the obvious desk.

  26. 4 Non-Bethanys says:

    Bethany: When typing please use correct usage of the commas. Your botched usage of “Oh thank God” should be “Oh,thank God.”

  27. Gordon Keith says:

    Lone Ranger,

    I agree. Why are we wasting time stating the obvious? I repeat- Gordon Keith is not funny. There is an obvious desk and this is news from it.

    Got Ego,

    Welcome to this celebration of ourselves. You are being honored as well. The non-joke you speak of is:

    Why did the chicken cross the road? Jessica Simpson.

    It is the line I open all radio shows, tv shows, and eulogies with.

    Comments are on, real hard.

  28. Gordon Keith says:

    Yes! Grammar and punctuation fight! Now someone call someone else Hitler quickly and the interneting will win.

  29. Chris says:

    So many under employed media grads, so few openings at D. If sex doesn’t work, can cannibalism be far behind?

  30. tc says:

    “Leave Gordo alone!”, I shout as mascara runs down my face. (non-joke using dated pop culture reference)

  31. Becky says:

    It is pathetic when a joke thief still can’t make his/her material funny. Some people are tone deaf, some are joke deaf. It turns into a comic version of Spinal Tap. Even the retorts to the retorts lack any originality. On the flip side, Gordon Keith is persistant.

  32. Me! says:

    Bethany can you further define what you mean by oral sex? But a little more slowly and maybe in a more husky voice?
    epd*

    *easing pants down

  33. Bethany says:

    Does husky = manly?

  34. Gordon Keith says:

    I can’t tell if Becky is defending me or bashing me. I guess I am somewhat comment-deaf.

    Question: Wasn’t Spinal Tap a comic version of Spinal Tap?

    Answer: Jessica Simpson.*

    epd2

    *Copyright 2006 Gordon Keith

  35. Bethany says:

    I think she was bashing me, too. But it’s OK. She’s been bitter ever since Roseanne replaced her with Sarah Chalke, instead of just saying she “went to college” or something.

  36. Spamboy says:

    If Gordo spent as much time refining his humor as he did commenting on Frontburner, the world would be a shinier, happier place.

  37. Gordon Keith says:

    Reminder: Gordon has no humor to refine. We all need to stop considering Gordon as attempting to be funny and the world would be a happier and shinier place.

  38. mm says:

    If you’d type in the voice of Fake Jerry, it would be funnier.

  39. Gordon Keith says:

    It WAS typed in the voice of Fake Jerry- except, “shinier place,” which was in Fake Wade.

    Still, those characters never were funny.

  40. Becca says:

    i think a far better conversation would be whether or not gordon is bearded. i mean, there’s hair. but i also see skin. thanks for being the catalyst to funny/non-funny and facial hair interwebs discussions, gordon. makes for chuckles.

    and @ Becky, nice name. i approve.

  41. SRP says:

    This city is full of so many talented people and Keith and his Spice boys are not part of that group. They are cringe worthy. Loose the beard, then loose the beard.

  42. Gordon Keith says:

    Yes, I’m glad someone finally had the guts to report it in blog comments. Gordon Keith is not talented and unfunny. Plus I think he might be gay and have two beards. The first beard being a different usage of the word than the second one.

    Check out the Spice Boys here.

  43. Jack Jett says:

    It is hard for me to tell if this thread is serious or not. He must have some talent as he, somehow, handles doing a TV show, radio, and writes a regular column. That is a ton of content to come up with. He either has a lot of self control or does an 8 Ball a week.

  44. Gordon Keith says:

    Yes, but it is all BAD content. Gordon Keith just proves that they will give ANYONE a radio show, a TV show, and a column. ‘Nuff said. Until we say more…

  45. Jack E. Jett says:

    The most I have ever been offered was the role of Will Parker in the 1974 Grand Prairie High School production of Oklahoma.

    I was really awesome and thought the roles would be flowing in. They may still, but it has been a long wait.

  46. Skin E. Fresh says:

    Unfortunately I lack the discursive tools necessary to fully articulate my reaction to what I experienced at Why Is Gordon Keith.

    However, now is probably the appropriate time to mention that I (meaning “we” of course) think and thought that Rabbit’s approach to the climatic “battle” scene in 8 Mile was most on point.